Finding My Religion
by Rainnboots
Summary: They were an anomaly, Carlos and Logan. Fire and water, yin and yang. Logan didn't like anomalies; they were confusing, against the world of fact that he lived in. Anomalies didn't make sense. But when it came to anomalies, Carlos was his favorite kind.
1. Anomaly

**Author's Note:** Hello! This is my first Big Time Rush fanfic. It's going to be a series of oneshots, maybe drabbles, and possibly two- or three-shots, most all centering around the relationship between Carlos and Logan. All set now, but slightly AR. I'll update the warnings as necessary. I've been working on this for quite a while now, and finally got enough stuff in order to get it posted. I'm pretty excited about it. :) Thanks be to my betas, Gandalf3213, for providing the honest criticism I was looking for. Now, onward!

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respectful owners.

**Warnings: **Guy/guy relationship, very brief swearing in chapter five, minor character death in chapter nineteen, and rather heavy talk about religion (Christianity, specifically).

* * *

Carlos loves God.

He loves God, Jesus, all of Christianity. Every morning and night, like clockwork, he's on his knees by his bedside, hands clasped and head bowed, lips moving silently while he prays. While some people were perpetual rain clouds, Carlos was perpetual sunshine, and it was because he knew life was a gift from God. And if there was one thing Carlos loved almost as much as God, it was Logan. Logan's laugh, his eyes, and how he always showered at night. Logan was endlessly patient, unfailingly kind, and always took the time to really _listen_ when people spoke. Carlos loved how when he studied, he wore those reading glasses that made him look just so handsome, and how Logan would always look someone in their eyes when they were speaking. Logan protected him; he always walked on the outside of the sidewalk or held Carlos's hand when he (or most often, when _Logan_) was nervous. He was a gentlemen, and Carlos admired that. But more than anything, Carlos loved how Logan loved him.

Logan loves Science.

He loves physics, chemistry, everything. He loves knowing what made up any given substance. Knowing what happened when you combined This with That and what resulted. The endless supply of knowledge he can find hidden inside his textbooks. Science gave concrete facts, things Logan can live by. Science made sense. The only thing that could rival Logan's love for Science was his love for Carlos. His big, joyful smile, his loving hugs, and his helmet hair. Carlos was always happy; a bright light in the midst of darkness. Logan loved his endless, child-like curiousity and optimistic view of the world. Everyone and everything was good, even if the good was buried deep inside. He loved when Carlos spoke Spanish and how he was sporadically affectionate; a sudden kiss in the middle of the night ("I just couldn't help myself, Logie.") or hug while walking down the street. Carlos was spontaneous, slighty chaotic, and unpredictable — all the things Logan wasn't. Carlos was his better half, the puzzle piece his life seemed to lack. Logan loved Carlos.

They were an anomaly, Carlos and Logan. Science and religion, fire and water, yin and yang. Logan usually didn't like anomalies; they were open-ended and confusing, against the world of fact and reason that he lived in. Anomalies didn't make sense.

But when it came to anomalies, Carlos was his favorite kind.

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Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	2. Monarch

**Author's Note:** Chapter two! Only one review (thank you for that taystwin-14!), but I got a decent number of hits. Hopefully this chapter with garner a few more. :)

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

Logan yawned loudly, pulling back his covers and sliding into his bed. He took a deep breath; clean linen. Logan loved new sheets. He'd stripped his bed this morning for Laundry Day, and Mrs. Knight had put the new ones on — straight out of the dryer — just before bedtime. He clicked off the light, Carlos collapsing into the bed beside him. The day had been grueling; they'd worked on their choreography for six hours that afternoon, taking breaks only to record new music, which ran late into the night.

"'Night," said Carlos, his voice muffled by the pillow. Logan grunted something unintelligible, already half-asleep.

All was quiet, only the quiet sounds of slow breathing filling the room. Then, Carlos gasped. Logan's entire body twitched, and the light clicked on.

"What? Are you okay?" said Logan, his filled with sleep, as he rolled over. Carlos was literally rolling himself out of bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah, just forgot to pray."

Logan almost groaned. He knew Carlos was religious; he prayed every morning and night, read his Bible between recording sessions and went to church when he could manage it. It never bothered Logan, seeing Carlos pray or hearing him recite Bible verses under his breath during class. Logan respected Carlos and his commitment to his beliefs, even if he didn't fully understand it. But it was nights like tonight where it just seemed like too much.

Logan closed his eyes, pressing hard against his forehead with his fingertips.

"It'll only take a minute, I promise."

Logan rubbed his forehead and rolled back over, laying back down. But now, the light seemed to burn against his eyelids, the exhaustion zapped from his body and replaced with annoyance. The seconds ticked by agonizingly slow, and Logan grew more agitated with each passing moment.

"Carlos?"

"I'm trying, I'm trying."

A full minute passed.

"Carlos."

"I'm almost done."

"Just pray in the morning, Carlos," said Logan, not bothering to keep the annoyance out of his tone. "It doesn't even matter."

For a moment, there was silence. Then, quietly, "sorry."

It was Carlos's voice that got Logan. He sounded like a ten year old who'd just been yelled at by his parents. Logan's throat tightened and the light clicked off again, Carlos slowing climbing into bed. Logan rolled over, opening his mouth twice before finally speaking.

"I'm sorry, that was rude, I shouldn't have said that," he said.

Carlos had his back to Logan. "It's fine, you're tired."

Logan paused. "Are you upset?"

"No."

Logan rested his head against his pillow, guilt eating at his chest. "I love you."

Carlos sighed, rolling over and meeting Logan's eyes. "I love you too."

Logan attempted a smile and Carlos blinked, his nose twitching.

"It's a big deal to you, huh?" asked Logan, adjusting himself in bed. Carlos pulled the covers tighter around his shoulders and nodded.

"'Course it is. I have to talk to God before I go to bed," said Carlos. "If I don't, I just feel like the day isn't over yet. It's like you showering every night. You wouldn't feel right if you didn't, would you?"

Logan shook his head. "I'm sorry."

Carlos shrugged. "I know."

Logan shifted in bed again. "Why is it so important to you, praying before you go to bed? I mean, you already pray a bunch during the day."

"It's like talking to you during the day or before bed. How would you feel if I went a whole day without talking to you, or just ignored you when you said 'goodnight'?"

Logan shrugged. "I don't know, like I upet you or something."

"Well, who's to say God wouldn't feel the same?"

Logan pondered; he'd never thought about God that way. He always thought of God as a kind of monarch, sitting in the sky and looking down at everyone, merely making sure they were all playing their parts correctly and ignoring everything else. God didn't mean much to Logan. Why did He mean so much to Carlos? What did Carlos see that Logan couldn't?

"'Night, Logie," said Carlos, rolling onto his back. "See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Carlos."

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Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Buller?


	3. Admirable

**Author's Note:** Happy New Year, everyone! To celebrate, I'm putting a brand new chapter, just for y'all. It's a tad short, but sweet. Remember to review! :)

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings: **See first chapter.

* * *

Logan looked up from his book, Carlos noisly rearranging one of the chairs so it sat opposite Logan's, on the other end of the ottoman. Logan raised an eyebrow and Carlos simply smiled, taking a seat in the chair and propping his feet up next to Logan's. Logan turned his attention back to his book for a moment, then looked at Carlos.

"Carlos, what are you doing?" he asked. Carlos shook his head.

"Nothing. Just admiring."

Logan's took a quick peek back over his shoulder. "Admiring what?"

"You."

"...Why?"

"You're just so pretty."

Logan was used to these sorts of things from Carlos; being told he was pretty wasn't anything new. Carlos _admiring_ him was something new, though.

"They talked about how people are God's most beautiful creation in church today," said Carlos. "How God puts more attention and care into each and every one of us than He does to anything else."

"Hmm," said Logan, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "Interesting."

"It really is, even though you don't think so," said Carlos. "At least, I think it is."

Logan went back to his book.

"Do you believe in God?" Carlos asked after a few moments. "I mean, we went to church together when we were little and stuff, but you kinda stopped going after middle school."

Logan shrugged, moving in the chair. "I guess?" Logan paused. "Well, honestly? Not really."

"How come?"

Logan shrugged again, marking his place in his book with his finger and closing it. "Just doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?" asked Carlos, pressing the soles of his shoes flat against Logan's.

"All of it," said Logan. "I mean, how can there be this... _being_, that was always there, who just up and decided one day, 'hey, I want to make a solar system and I think on one of those planets, I'll fill it with billions of people'? Who made Him?"

Carlos shrugged. "Doesn't say."

"What about the evidence that supports evolution, and the Big Bang? How do you know that isn't how it happened?"

"I don't."

"And all that stuff the Bible says about Jesus, how He walked on water and raised the dead and _rose_ from the dead. How is that possible?"

Again, Carlos shrugged, pushing on Logan's shoes with his feet. "Don't know."

"Well, then why would you believe in something when you don't know if it's real? What if it's all a sham?"

Carlos thought for a moment. "I guess it could be, but I don't think so."

"But how—"

"Logie," said Carlos, in all seriousness. "Not everything has to make sense. I don't _know_ that God's actually there. I don't _know_ that Heaven's actually there. I just have faith that it is. Like I have faith that later tonight, the sun will set. And when I wake up in the morning, the sun will rise. Like I have faith that tomorrow, and on Friday, and next week, you'll still love me. I don't know for sure, but I have faith," said Carlos.

"But you know I'll always love you," said Logan, pushing Carlos' feet. Carlos nodded.

"And that's why I believe."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Because...?"

Climbing over Logan's legs, Carlos leaned in and kissed him, barely touching their lips together, and smiled.

"Because only God could let someone so great love me so much."

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Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	4. Luck

**Author's Note:** Back again! This is a short little piece, but I like it just the same. Hope you all will, too. Many props to my betas, Gandalf 3213, because this story wouldn't be here without them, and also to all my reviewers — I appreciate all of you guys!

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or place are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

Carlos dropped his book, rubbing his eyes and groaning. The past hour and a half had been devoted to studying, something Mrs. Knight had pushed all the boys to do to help improve their grades. From outside their door, they could hear the constant creak of the floorboards; James liked to pace the hallway when he studied ("I can't concentrate otherwise!"), and Logan closed the door early on to keep from getting distracted.

Carlos looked over at Logan, who was bent over his book, chewing on his pinky nail, deep in thought. He spread out on his bed, his feet squishing into the pillows while his head sat at the edge of the bed. He crossed one hand over the other and laid his head on it, watching Logan.

"I love those glasses," said Carlos. Logan moved to another section of his nail, pausing to spit out a bit of skin.

"As you've told me many times before."

"I know, but they just make you look so handsome."

Logan smiled.

"You remember what I said yesterday? About people being God's most beautiful creation?"

"No, I was too busy being admired."

Carlos laughed loudly and rolled over. Using his feet, he passed a pillow from the top of the bed to the bottom, and used his hands to fluff it into place.

"But do you remember?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, what do you think about that?"

"It's nice."

"But you don't believe it, right?"

Logan shrugged. "Not really."

"Why not?"

"I told you: it just doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand how any of it could possibly be true. It's like Santa Claus; it's nice at first, but then you realize that it's a big fantasy that could never be real."

"Hmm." Carlos stared at the ceiling, his fingers laced over his stomach. "I bet I could change that."

"Oh really?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Good luck."

"Thank you, but I don't think I'll need it."

"No?"

"Nope. God'll help me." Carlos turned his head to smile at Logan. "You'll see."

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Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	5. Hurt

**Author's Note: **Hello! Back again. Here's the new chapter; hope you like it!

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** Brief language.

* * *

He heard them whispering. Every now and then, as he passed — a snicker, an ugly murmur, a bad name. They lived in a nice place, an accepting place, but there was always that one person. It usually slid off his back, his mind steeling himself to the comments. Not worth it, he told himself. They point out what they see wrong in others to try and keep others from seeing the wrong in themselves. Ignore it. Ignore it. Ignore it.

He was walking towards the pool, towel in hand, when they called out to him.

"Hey, girly, where's your boyfriend?"

He turned; it was a particularly nasty group, one who always made the snide comments at him. Tim and Jim and Slim and Dim or something like that, four stunt-doubles from Washington. They were all laughing hysterically, as if it were some joke.

Ignore them, he told himself. Just ignore it. They do this all the time, don't let it get to you now.

But something in him broke. Instead of walking out the doors to the pool, he took a right, heading for the apartment, cries fighting to escape his throat.

* * *

Logan frowned, his brow furrowed; where was Carlos? He had said he would be down in just a minute — it's been ten. He looked around over his shoulder, checking to make sure Carlos hadn't gotten sidetracked at the new smoothie stand on the patio or chasing Lightning around a cabana. Logan shrugged, pushing himself up from his chair and making his way back to the apartment.

"Carlos?" Logan called, shutting the door behind him. He set his towel on the counter. "Carlos, you in here?"

He moved towards their bedroom and saw Carlos through the doorway, kneeling beside his bed. Logan sucked in his breath, suddenly feeling guilty; he always felt bad interrupting Carlos when he was praying. He took a step back, reaching for his towel, when he heard it. A sniffle? A whimper. When he looked back at Carlos, he saw his shoulders shaking. Carlos's Bible was on the ground beside him, open but face down, the pages bent and twisted.

"Carlos," Logan entered their bedroom, righting the Bible as knelt next to Carlos. He set a hand on Carlos's back. "Carlos, are you okay?"

"I'm so sick of it."

"Sick of what?"

"Of everything."

Logan sat, his back against Carlos's bed. "What happened?"

"I can't take it." Carlos wiped his eyes furiously, leaning back against his heels. "I can't take people whispering about me or make stupid jokes. I'm sick of it!"

"Who's making jokes about you?"

"Those four guys from Washington — the stunt-doubles. I was walking to the pool earlier and they called me 'girly' and asked me where my boyfriend was."

"Well, that's not that bad, they've said worse."

"That's the point, they've said worse, and they'll keep saying worse! They won't leave me alone, and I can't take it anymore! I am so _sick_ of being called names simply because I love you."

"Don't listen to them, Carlos," said Logan. "If they see you're upset, it'll just make them feel good about themselves knowing they got to you like that."

"Logan, I try. I try _every time_, but I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of having to try and ignore them yelling at me, or calling me disgusting, or _fag_—"

"They called you a fag?" An angry heat creeped into Logan's face, and his fists clenched at his sides.

"They don't say that to you?"

Logan shook his head and Carlos looked at his hands in his lap.

"It doesn't matter, I'm still sick of it. I don't want to be this way anymore."

"What, gay?"

"Yes, I'm so tired of it all. It hurts _so bad_. I just want to be like everyone else for once."

Logan's heart tightened in his chest; Carlos was always the one telling _him_ to be strong, to be who he was and never let anyone try and change him.

"Remember what you told me back when I first realized I was gay, but was too scared to tell anybody?" said Logan, scooting himself closer to Carlos. "We were all made different so we can learn to look past what's on the outside and love what's on the inside."

Carlos crossed his legs, wiping his eyes again. "You remember that?"

"Of course," said Logan. "It's what made me realize that being different isn't something to be ashamed of."

Carlos sniffed and wrung his hands together.

"You okay?" Logan asked. Carlos sniffed again and nodded. Logan stood up, holding his hand out to Carlos.

"Come on, we're going to the pool."

As they walked past the boys from Washington, Carlos pulled on Logan's hand to keep him in place. The four boys looked up and Carlos smiled at them. He waved his and Logan's linked hands in the air.

"I found him!"

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Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	6. Lake

**Author's Note:** Hello friends! Back again for chapter six. A sweet little chapter inspired by the snow, and it's the longest one to date. Hope you guys like it!

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

Logan flipped the page of his book, his feet propped up on the coffee table in front of the crackling fire, the over-sized Christmas tree in the corner illuminating the entire room. All four boys and their families were spending winter break James' grandfather's large house on Lake Superior, a tradition they started back when the boys were in elementary school.

Logan sighed contentedly, the house calm and quiet. Then Kendall's voice floated in from the next room.

"I _so_ won Farckle, James!"

"Oh, yeah _right_."

"I did! Carlos, did you or did you not see those three pairs? That puts me over the ten thousand mark, meaning I won."

"Well, Kendall, there's only two pairs on the table right now—"

"That's because Katie knocked into the table, flipping the dice over. I totally won, James. Just admit it."

"My house, my rules, you lost."

"Oh come on, this isn't even your house, it's your grandpa's..."

Logan didn't hear the rest of the conversation, Carlos making his way over to the couch he was reclining on and dramatically collapsing next to him, sighing loudly.

"_¡Por armor de Dios!_" Carlos exclaimed, slapping a hand to his forehead. _For Heaven's sake!_

Logan laughed as Carlos slumped against him. "Why do I ever agree to playing games with them, Logan? It always ends up like this."

Logan shrugged, shutting his book. "You love games, and you always believe them when they say they won't argue."

"You say that like believing what they tell me is a bad thing."

Logan laughed again and Carlos wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"When it comes to stuff like this, it might be."

Carlos wiped his nose on his sleeve, looking out the window. He perked up, squinting outside.

"Logie, Logie it's snowing!" said Carlos, rising from the couch. "Let's go take a walk."

"Carlos, it's fifteen degrees outside."

"Uh, that's why we have jackets," said Carlos, shaking his head at Logan in a "what am I going to do with you?" sort of way. "Come on, you know you like looking at all the white lights the neighbor's put up on all the trees in their yard and the ones by the lake. Just down the block and back, Logan, please?"

Logan sighed, closing his eyes and tossing his book to the side. "Fine. Just let me get my stuff on."

Carlos grinned widely. "Okay, but hurry up, we don't know when it's going to stop!"

Both boys quickly pulled on their coats, gloves, and scarves, making it out the door in record time.

"We're going on a walk, make sure there's hot chocolate when we get back!" Carlos called, slamming the door behind them.

They walked hand in hand down the street, huddled close together as the large flakes fell all around them.

"It gets me everytime," said Carlos, shaking his head.

"What does?"

"Everything. No matter how many Christmas's I spend here, and watch the snow, and look at the trees, it's always as beautiful as the first time." Carlos shook his head again.

"Snow never stops being beautiful," said Logan, craning his neck to get a full view of the tree above him. "Hey, is that bench still down by the dock?"

"Don't know why it wouldn't be," Carlos shrugged. Logan suddenly broke in a run, cutting across the yard beside them.

"Race you!" he called back over his shoulder.

"Hey, hey, wait up!" Carlos trudged after him, his scarf whipping across his shoulder. "That's not fair, I call a do-over!"

Logan laughed, looking back over his shoulder as he reached the bench. Carlos reached him a second after, chest heaving. He pointed a finger at Logan's chest.

"Not fair," he wheezed. "Totally not fair."

"We race every year, Carlos," said Logan, taking in a large breath. "_Every_ year."

"Well you know I always think the best of people!" said Carlos. "Won't be doing that anymore."

Logan laughed, exhaling a large breath and setting his hands on his hips.

Carlos placed his hands on the bench and leaned against them, still struggling for breath. He furrowed his brow, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Hey, you okay?" asked Logan.

"Yeah, just having a little trouble catching my breath," Carlos shook his head, rubbing his chest. "'M fine."

"Carlos?" Logan felt the pulse in his neck quicken. Carlos shook his head again.

"Just need to sit down, just need to sit down." Carlos moved around the bench, sitting down and placing his hands on his knees, sucking a deep breath.

"Carlos, is it your asthma? Do you need your inhaler? Carlos?" A hint of panic was in Logan's voice now, and he took a seat beside Carlos. Carlos ignored the question, peeling off his gloves and wiping a thin layer of sweat off his forehead. Logan quickly noted his trembling hands.

"Carlos—"

"Logan, stop it."

Logan closed his mouth, his pulse still beating against his neck as Carlos closed his eyes, taking in a large breath and holding it for a moment before exhaling. He repeated the exercise three times over before wiping his forehead again.

"I'm fine," said Carlos. He pulled his gloves back on then patted Logan's leg. "I'm sorry I snapped at you, Logie, I shouldn't've done that. I know you probably a little freaked out."

Logan finally let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, his heart doing a quick flip-flop in his chest.

"Jeez, Carlos, I thought you were having an asthma attack or something," said Logan. "You know how dangerous those can be."

Carlos snorted, reaching down to scoop of a handful of snow, and popped it into his mouth. "You're telling me."

"You're sure you're okay? Maybe we should go back, just in case."

"Logie, I'm fine," Carlos patted his leg again. "I promise."

Logan leaned back against the bench, slightly reluctant, his eyes continuously darting between the reflection of the trees on the lake and Carlos.

"I love winter," said Carlos. "My favorite time of the whole year."

"I'm more of a summer person, myself," said Logan.

"Freak."

Logan rolled his eyes, punching Carlos in the shoulder. Carlos leaned his forearms on his knees, lacing his hands together and bowing his head. Logan recognized the guesture as one of Carlos's many daily prayers, and sat back, silent. This one was quick; less than a minute.

"Amen." Carlos straightened his back and stretched his arms high above his head before bringing them to rest over the back of the bench. He scooted his hips closer to Logan, curling one arm over his shoulder. Logan felt the corners of his mouth tug upwards.

"You pray a _lot_," Logan noted. "What do you even have to pray about all the time?"

"I don't know, it depends. Right now I was just thaking God for this place and for getting to be here with you and all our families. Sometimes, when I get frustrated or upset or angry, I ask for patience. If I'm sad, I'll ask for comfort. Confused, guidance." Carlos listed. "And when I'm happy, I give thanks — er, well, technically I give thanks _all_ the time, but most especially when I'm happy."

"Wait, what?"

"'Wait, what' what?"

"First you said you give thanks when you're happy, but then you said you always give thanks all the time," said Logan.

Carlos nodded. "That is correct."

Logan scrunched up his forehead in thought. "In what other state of mind would you be thankful for something, other than happy, or content?"

"All of 'em."

Logan rubbed his forehead. "I don't get it. Why would you _thank_ God when you're upset? That doesn't make any sense."

Carlos pulled his arm away from Logan, turning in his seat to face him. "It's like this: The Bible says in all things, give thanks. Whether God's given you a new car or taken away your job, He's doing it for a reason, and He's going to lead you to something even better than what you had before or what he took away from you. In all things, give thanks. Like just a second ago."

"What, when you almost had an asthma attack?" asked Logan. Carlos nodded. "Why would you thank God for almost having an asthma attack?"

"Because I _didn't_ have one," said Carlos. "I could've, but I caught my breath, and I'm definitely thankful for that."

Logan chewed on the inside of his lips, looking out over the water. Carlos stretched his arm over Logan's shoulder again, taking Logan's free hand.

"You just look at the glass half-full, Logie, and you'll see you have a lot more to be thankful for than you think."

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Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	7. Sway

**Author's Note:** Here's something that will hopefully kick the bad case of the Monday's that seem to be going around... shameless, mushy, heart-warming fluff. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

"Logan, come _on_, your hair already has enough gel in it!"

"I'm almost done, I promise."

"That's what you said five minutes ago," said Carlos. He groaned, rubbing his forehead and letting his head roll back. "Dios mío, you are such a _girl._" Carlos dropped his hand and looked up, hearing the bedroom door creak open.

"How do I look?" asked Logan, raising his arms to waist height then letting them drop against his thighs. "Handsome?"

Carlos crossed the room, pecking Logan once on the lips. "You always look handsome."

Logan smiled. "What's for dinner?"

"You remember that salad my mom makes sometimes, with the avocado and the tomatoes and the steak?"

"The steak salad?"

"Yeah, that one. She sent me the recipe the other day, so I made it for us," said Carlos, rounding the table to take his seat. "And I didn't put cilantro on yours, because I know you don't like it."

Logan picking up the napkin roll beside his plate, raising his eyebrows in an impressed way. "Fancy; did you roll these yourself?"

"I did work at a restaurant, in case you forgot."

"You worked there for two weeks."

"Still a job," Carlos shrugged. He folded his hands, bowing his head to say grace, and Logan sipped at his water until Carlos was finished.

"Where is everyone, anyways?" said Logan, taking a glance around the empty apartment.

"Kendall's out with Jo, James is getting his haircut, and I think Mrs. Knight took Katie shopping," said Carlos, listing them off on his fingers.

"Convenient how they're all just out tonight, huh?" said Logan, taking a glance over his fork at Carlos. Carlos sucked in his lips, nodding, eyes focused solely on his salad.

"Especially since it's our eleven month anniversary."

Carlos nodded again, largely and over exaggerated, nearly shaking with surpressed glee as he shovelled a bite of salad into his mouth. "Weird, huh?"

"You're a terrible liar," Logan pointed out, taking another bite.

"Well I'm sorry I don't possess the superhuman ability to not tell the truth."

Logan smiled, nudging Carlos's leg with his foot. "Thank you."

Carlos shrugged, looking nonchalantly up at Logan. "What can I say? I'm amazing."

Logan laughed, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Hurry up and eat, I have a surprise," said Carlos, taking another large bite. Logan raised his eyebrows.

"Surprise?"

"Mm-hmm."

"What kind of surprise?

"Well if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?"

Carlos had a mischevious twinkle in his eye, taking a long drink of water.

"Really, though, I only asked everyone to stay out for two hours, and it already took you forty-five minutes to get ready."

"I got to look good for my man," said Logan, shrugging innocently. Carlos rolled his eyes, but Logan caught the flush of red in his cheeks.

Logan sniffed, a sudden burnt smell filling his nose. "Carlos, is something burning?"

"No they're not!" Carlos hopped up from his chair, his fork clattering against his plate, and dashed for the oven. He grabbed the rag hanging by the kitchen sink and pulled out a cookie sheet, dropping it onto the counter. He hunched over the cookies, eyeing them carefully.

"You like crunchy cookies, right?" asked Carlos.

"Sure."

"Good." Carlos nodded, tossing the rag onto the counter behind him. "That's good."

Logan chuckled again and scraped the last of the salad off his plate.

"Oh, cool, you're done!" Carlos took both of their empty plates, rinsing them off before dropping them into the dishwasher. "Now we can get to the surprise. Get in the living room."

"Why?"

"Just do it," said Carlos, moving past Logan towards their bedroom. "I'll be back in a minute, don't move!"

Logan leaned against the back of the couch, tapping his fingers rhythmically against the cushion. Carlos reappeared a moment later, busying himself with the iPod dock on the shelf.

"Need help?" asked Logan as Carlos muttered something in Spanish beneath his breath.

"I got it, I got it."

The sound of big band music suddenly entered the apartment and Carlos turned on his heel, holding his hand out to Logan with a flourish, one of his eyebrows cocked upward.

"¿Vamos a bailar, mi amado?"

Logan felt that familiar, pleasant twist in his stomach that he got whenever Carlos spoke Spanish.

"Shall we dance, my dear?"

"You know I can't dance, Carlos," said Logan. Carlos shook his head, a comically confused look on his face.

"What are you talking about? We have to dance all the time."

"Spinning in circles and hopping backwards on one foot doesn't exactly count as dancing, Carlos," said Logan. "And I mean I don't do the whole partner-ballroom-one-two-three thing."

Carlos rolled his eyes and put his arms on Logan's waist, pulling Logan into position in front of him, using his own feet to nudge Logan's into place.

"Well this one isn't hard, I promise. Just follow my lead, alright? Now, I take this hand, and your other hand goes up here on my shoulder."

"Isn't this the girl's position?"

"We're both guys here, Logan, one of us gonna have to compromise."

"Why can't I be the guy?"

"Because the guy leads. The leader should typically know what he's doing."

Logan chuckled, Carlos picking at a loose string coming off of Logan's sleeve. Logan jerked his sleeve away, and Carlos set his hand on Logan's back.

"Okay, I'm gonna step forward with my left foot, and you're going to step back with your right. Then, with your left food, your going to slide your foot diaganolly left so it's parallel with your right foot, then you'll step over towards your left foot so both feet are in this first position."

"I thought you said this one isn't hard?"

"It's not. Watch my feet for a minute and you'll figure it out."

"Who taught you how to dance?" asked Logan, carefully watching Carlos's foot movements.

"Papí," said Carlos. "He and Mom used to go out dancing all the time."

"They don't anymore?"

"They do, just not as often since he's on patrol more now. No, _you_ step back with your _right_ foot."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's fine, let's start over; feet together, now step back — yeah, just like that."

"Do you guys ever get freaked out, with your dad's job? Since he's a cop, I mean."

Carlos let out a heavy breath, tugging Logan back towards him. "Yeah; it's hard to watch the news sometimes and hear about all the bad stuff that's happening and knowing he's the one who has to try and make it better, or catch the bad guys." Carlos shrugged. "But he loves it, and a lot of people don't have the courage to go out and do what he does. I'm proud of him. Okay, now you're stepping foward with your left—Ow, not onto my foot!"

Logan groaned. "Carlos, can't we just watch a _movie_ or something?"

"No, movies are for the lazy man's Date Night. God gave us both two feet and a house to ourselves — we're dancing. And you almost got it."

"I think I don't almost got it, Carlos."

"See, that's your problem," Carlos dropped his hands and took a step back from Logan, pausing the music. "You're thinking too much. You don't _think_ when you dance, you _move._ Now, stop looking at my feet and just look at me. No, better yet, close your eyes."

"Carlos..." Logan looked back at the ground, trying to postion his feet. Carlos reached back behind him and pressed play on the iPod.

"Head up and eyes closed, Logie. We can do this. Ready?"

Logan sighed. "Fine."

Half a minute and a few foot steps later, Logan felt a small tug on the corners of his mouth.

"¡Alabado sea Dios!" Carlos suddenly exclaimed. He dropped Logan's hand and hugged him around his neck. "See, Logie? I told you you could do it! Now come on, let's do it again."

"Why aren't we able to watch a movie now?" asked Logan. Carlos smiled, pulling Logan's hands back into position.

"Because you look so cute when you don't know what you're doing."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	8. Fingerprints

**Author's Note:** Hello! Back again. I've had this one written for a while, but didn't feel like it fit in the story until now. Hope you guys enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

Carlos climbed into bed, setting his Bible back on it's usual spot on the nightstand. He looked over at Logan, who'd been watching him for the past few minutes.

"Yes?" said Carlos, raising his eyebrows at Logan.

"Why do you believe in God?" asked Logan.

"Why?" Carlos repeated. Logan nodded. Carlos paused in thought.

"Because by His Grace, I've been given this life, and that's more than enough for me."

Logan rolled over, head resting against his pillow, and let out a heavy breath.

Carlos turned off the lamp. "Goodnight Logan."

"Night."

Carlos settled back into his bed, yawning loudly, as Logan spoke.

"But don't you find God sort of... unbelieveable?" he asked.

"How do you mean?" asked Carlos.

"Just Him existing, period. You don't ever question it?"

"Yeah," said Carlos. "All the time. I'm a human, my brain's supposed to question the stuff that seems too crazy to be real. But, I think that's part of the reason I believe in God."

"Why?"

"Because I like believing that there's something out there I can't fully understand or appreciate, something who made you and me and everything else. It's a cool feeling."

"Sounds kind of intimidating to me."

"Well, to each his own."

There was silence for a moment, then, "But, I mean, if God was there before everything, who made Him?"

"I already told you, Logan, it's never said."

"Well, is He ever gonna stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Just, Stop. Like die. I mean, He's not really human, so technically He can't _die_, but He had to Start at some point, right?"

"I suppose so."

"So, everything that Starts has to Stop, right?"

Carlos shrugged. "Maybe. But I think God's like a circle. A circle has no beginning and no end — like God. He's always been here and He always will be."

"That doesn't make any sense, Carlos."

"Not everything has to make sense, you know," said Carlos. "Why's it so hard for you to just believe in something?"

"I can't see God, I can't hear God, I can't feel God; how can I just believe that He's actually there?"

"Seeing isn't believing; believing is seeing."

Logan paused. "Did you actually just quote 'The Santa Clause'?"

"It's an accurate description, Logan."

Logan shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

"And you can see God and hear God and feel God, you know."

Logan furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about?"

Logan heard the sound of covers being tossed and Carlos's bed squeaking. Before Logan knew it, Carlos was sitting by his legs, pushing him up towards the pillows.

"Carlos — what?"

"Turn the light on, would you?"

Logan groped through the dark for the lamp's chain, pulling it once before crossing his legs beneath him and turning back to Carlos.

"Hold out your hands," said Carlos, who had his out in front of him, palms up. He wiggled his fingers expectantly, and Logan obliged.

"Look at that," said Carlos, taking one of Logan's hands and tracing one of the lines with his fingers. "Every line, every callous, every print is exactly where it's supposed to be. Your fingersprints are totally unique, only you have them."

"Genetics determine fingerprints."

Carlos shook his head. "Close your eyes and think about your baby cousin, David, and the way he laughs. Remember how happy and beautiful it sounds?"

Logan found himself smiling subconsciously, the joyous noise echoing in the back of his mind.

"And when your mom kisses you when you wake up in the morning, or you hug a friend you haven't seen in a long time, or when I hold your hand..." Carlos laced all of their fingers together, resting his elbows on his knees and squeezing Logan's hand. "What's it feel like?"

Logan's voice faltered; what does it feel like?

"Good," he decided, finally, "it feels really good."

"That's God, Logie, can't you see that? When you look at your hands, you see God's work, the fine details He puts into everything He makes. When you listen to David laugh, you can hear God and the joy He finds in all of us. And when you hug a friend or hold hands, you can feel God and the love He has for all of us.

Logan swallowed, the hairs on the back of his neck pricking up suddenly.

"God's all around us, Logan. You just have to pay attention."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	9. Electrified

**Author's Note:** Hello again! Here's a quick throwback chapter for you guys; it's set a few years ago, when the boys would've been around 11 or 12. Also, I've decided to give Carlos an older brother named Gabe (who will show up more in later chapters), and he's six years older. He's only briefly mentioned by name in the chapter. Thanks to all my reviewers who've taken the time out to let me know what you think; I really appreciate all of you guys. :)

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

"Hey, what're you doing? I just tore through your preliminary wall!"

"Yeah, but that was the _preliminary_ preliminary wall. You still have another one to break through. Oh, and you just hit my force field, which electrifies anyone who touches it."

"I think you mean it electrocutes, Carlos."

"Well, whatever. Either way, you're now convulsing on the ground from the force of the shock, and I'm about to let out the attack dogs."

"Okay, you know what? I want to play a different game." James knocked over his army men with one smooth motion of his arm, his fingers grazing the edge of Carlos's Lincoln Log fort. "I always lose _Let's See Who Can Break Into Fort Bragg_."

James crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against Carlos's dresser. Carlos sighed heavily.

"_Fine_," Carlos huffed. "Just help me put my army guys away, will you? And make sure you get all of them; I keep losing them, and Papí says he doesn't want to buy me anymore."

"Yeah, yeah," said James. He scooped them up, grabbing the round, tin cookie box Carlos kept them in, and dumped the tiny plastic men inside. He flopped onto Carlos's bed, stretching his arms over his bed, pointing his toes until they reached the footboard, then let his body relax.

"JJ?" said Carlos, sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Carlitos?" James replied.

"I have something to tell you."

"Okay," James shrugged. Carlos took in a deep breath, looking straight into James's eyes.

"James, I'm gay."

James stared at Carlos, his forehead knitting together in confusing after a moment. He rose slowly into a sitting postion, sweeping his overly-long bangs from his eyes.

"Wait, what?"

"I'm gay," Carlos repeated, pulling his feet up beneath him. James shook his head.

"Like, you mean you like _guys_?" said James. Carlos nodded. "But... how do you know? I mean, I don't really _like_ girls, but I don't think I'm _gay_."

"Oh, come on, the whole world knows you have a crush on Suzy Pemberton," said Carlos, rolling his eyes. A faint red tinted James's cheeks, and he stayed silent. "And I don't really know how I know, I just do. I can feel it. I'm different."

"Like, for sure?" said James. "'Cause, you know, sometimes I think stuff, and it's not always right."

Carlos nodded. "I'm sure. I told my family and everything."

"So... does that mean you like girly stuff now?" said James. "Like flowers and kittens and those movies our moms' watch that make them cry?"

"No, I'm still the same person," said Carlos, laughing. "I still like hockey and water guns and all that stuff."

"Hmm," James muttered, his forehead still knit together.

"Are you upset?" asked Carlos.

"No," said James. "I'm just kinda, weirded out, you know? Not in a bad way or anything, I'm just..."

"Surprised?" Carlos offered.

"Surprised," James agreed. "_Really_ surprised."

"So you're okay with it?" said Carlos.

"Yeah, I guess," said James. "I mean it's not like you can change being gay, right?"

"Nope," Carlos shook his head. "I'm stuck like this forever."

James cracked a smile, pushing his bangs from his face again.

"Did you tell your mom and dad?" James asked. Carlos nodded. "What'd they say?"

Carlos shrugged. "Kind of the same as you. They kept asking me why I thought this, or how do I know for sure, how long have I felt like this," Carlos listed. "But, at the end, they said they were surprised, but not shocked. They said they always kinda felt like I was, but didn't want to say anything because they didn't want to upset me or put ideas in my head. So, they're still kinda surprised, but I think they're happy that I told them."

"What about Gabe, is he okay with this?" asked James. Carlos shrugged again.

"I guess," said Carlos. "He didn't really say anything. He looked kind of embarrassed the whole time."

James nodded, picking a stray thread that had frayed from the small hole in the knee of his jeans. He suddenly froze, an awkward feeling creeping into his throat.

"Carlos, you don't..." James found himself scooting himself backwards minutely on the bed, pulling his legs up and away from Carlos. "You don't, like — I mean you're not, you know, _in love_ with me or anything, are you?"

"What? No!" Carlos shook his head. "No, no way. Ew."

James furrowed his brow, looking slightly offended.

"I mean, not ew, but — ew. You're James. Our dad's are best friends; I've known you since, like, before I was born; you're my front-door neighbor. I love you, but, not like that," Carlos reassured.

"Okay, good," said James, relaxing. "Not good, but, you know — good."

They both nodded, sitting in silence.

"You won't tell anybody, will you?" said Carlos suddenly. "Like Kendall or Logan or anybody?"

"No," said James. "But, you're not going to keep this a secret forever, are you?"

"Of course not," said Carlos. "I just want to tell them myself, when I'm ready. I'm gonna do it soon, I just don't think I want _everyone_ to know yet. I have to figure out how I'm going to tell people now."

"Oh," said James. "But then why'd you tell me?" Carlos shrugged.

"You've known me the longest," said Carlos. "It just makes sense."

James smiled, pushing his bangs back once more. He nose twitched and he looked to the door.

"What's that smell?" asked James. Carlos took in a deep breath, sniffing the air.

"Mom!" Carlos shouted, leaning towards the door. James barely flinched; he was used to this. The Garcia's were a loud family.

"Yes?" she called back.

"What are you making?"

"Caramel-apple empanadas! Do you boys want one?"

"Yes!" they called simultaneously. They scrambled from the bed, elbows and knees knocking into each other, and made for the door. James paused in the doorframe, Carlos halfway done the hall.

"Carlos?" he said. Carlos turned, his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah?"

James looked down, pushing his bangs back nervously, before hurring forward and giving Carlos a brief hug. Carlos was slightly taken aback; James had never been an affectionate person, so hugs from him were rare to come by. Carlos smiled, wrapping his arms around James's ribs and giving him a big squeeze. They parted and James pushed his hair back again.

"Thanks," said James.

"For what?" asked Carlos.

"For trusting me," said James. "Thank you."

"You're my brother, JJ," said Carlos, giving James's shoulder a light punch. "I'll always trust you."

"Boys?" Mrs. Garcia called up. "The empanadas are getting cold!"

"Coming!" Carlos called back. He looked back at James once before taking off down the stairs. "_Raceyoudownreadyonetwothreego__!_"

"Hey, HEY!" James flew down behind him. "Carlos, that's not fair, I call a do-over. _Carlos_!"

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	10. Blessed

**Author's Note:** Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long since the last update! I... procrastinated. One of my strongest talents. But the chapter's ready now, so I hope you guys enjoy it. And this chapter comes with a **CHALLENGE!** First person to send me a message containing the correct link to the bit of jewelry that's described in this chapter gets a special prize! :) Hint: James Avery.

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

Carlos flopped into bed, his face sinking into his pillow. There was a low grumbling noise, which Logan assumed was Carlos trying to speak.

"Didn't catch that," said Logan, eyes on his book. Carlos rolled over.

"What a day," said Carlos, sighing contentedly.

"Had a good birthday, huh?"

"A very good birthday; I can't believe my family flew out here!" said Carlos. "I haven't seen then in almost six months. They're so great. I'm so blessed, Logan."

Logan smiled. "You always say that."

"It's true," said Carlos. He yawned loudly. "I mean _everyone_ got me a birthday present today! Well, almost everyone."

Logan smiled again; Carlos had been slyly mentioning Logan's lack of a gift all day.

"You _really_ didn't get my anything?" said Carlos. "I mean, if you didn't, you know that's totally cool — your undying love and devotion is more than enough for me — it's just... your gifts are always my favorite."

Logan shrugged. "I'm pretty sure if I'd gotten you a gift, I would've given it to you already."

Carlos let out a breath. "Okay. Time to pray."

Carlos rolled off the edge of the bed, pulling his Bible off the bedside table and flipping to the page he had bookmarked. The next few minutes were spent in silence.

Carlos set the Bible back on the nightstand and moved towards the closet, pulling off his shirt, throwing it in the general direction of the laundry hamper, and putting on an old sweatshirt. Carlos crawled over the bed, pulling back the sheets.

"Why do you do that?" asked Logan, setting his glasses and book on the nightstand.

"Do what?"

"If you're going to sleep in a sweatshirt, you always take your off your regular shirt before putting on the sweatshirt. And you only do it when you're going to bed."

"Oh, I don't know," Carlos shrugged. "It's just how I like it. Why do you always shower before bed?"

"I don't like going to bed dirty. Do you know how many dead skin cells get trapped in your sheets when you sleep?" Logan's entire body shuddered in disgust. "It's gross."

Carlos snorted and Logan clicked off the lamp.

"'Night Logie."

"Happy birthday, Carlos."

Carlos snuggled deep into his sheets while Logan lay anxious; surely Carlos would find it soon. He always slept on his stomach; he'd slide his hand under the pillow sooner or later. Carlos bed squeaked as he turned, and Logan sniffed. Carlos rolled again and there was the muffled sound of a hand grabbing wrapping paper.

"What...?"

Logan grinned through the dark. "Hmm?"

"What's this?"

"What's what?"

"You know what; now what is it?"

Logan clenched his fists together, excitement stemming from every nerve in his body. "Carlos, what are you talking about?"

The lamp clicked on. Carlos was sitting cross-legged on his bed, a blue package in hand.

"Where'd you find that?" asked Logan.

"Under my pillow," said Carlos. "Logan, did you get me a gift?"

Logan shrugged, propping himself up on his elbow.

Carlos peeled off the wrapping paper, revealing a small red box.

"Ooh, jewelry?" said Carlos, wiggling his eyebrows at Logan. Again, Logan shrugged. Carlos pulled off the lid and took out the fabric pouch inside, upending it into his hand. Tied to a long, brown, leather cord was a tiny square of silver; the cord was roped through the center of the square, creating a small cross.

"Logan!" said Carlos, looking up from the necklace. "Did you buy this for me?"

Logan smiled, nodding. "Do you like it? I wasn't sure if you'd like this one or another one I saw better, so I kept the receipt in case you want to exchange it. I talked to Gabe, though, and he said he thought you'd like that one better."

"No, this is great." Carlos slipped the necklace over his head. "This is really great."

Carlos crossed the small expanse between their beds, placing his hands on either side of Logan's face and kissing him. "Oh, I love you so much. Thank you."

"No problem, Carlos."

"Okay, I gotta pray again," said Carlos. Logan chuckled as Carlos scrambled to the edge of his bed, clasping his hands. He paused, looking back at Logan. "Er, do you mind? I'll be quick, I promise."

Logan shook his head. "Don't worry about it; it's your birthday, and it's important to you."

Carlos smiled. "Thanks, Logan."

True to his word, Carlos's prayer was quick, a mere minute and a half. Logan could hear Carlos muttering under his breath the whole time, something he only did when he was either very upset or very excited, and Logan smiled to himself, knowing it was the latter.

Carlos crawled over to Logan's bed again, pecking Logan on the lips.

"'Night Logie."

"Goodnight, Carlos."

Carlos made for his bed, turning off the light. Logan closed his eyes, settling into bed, when he felt Carlos's arm on his shoulder.

"Just one more?"

Logan smiled. "Of course."

It took them a moment, but through the dark they found each other, and shared one more kiss.

"Okay, for real now: Goodnight, Logie."

"Goodnight, Carlos."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller


	11. Wind

**Author's Note:** Happy Saturday everyone! I'm in a good mood this morning (nice, long nights of sleeping will do that to you) so I've decided to post a new chapter. Had the first half of this one written for a while, but just recently expanded it to what it is today. After you guys finish reading this chapter, go check out **Bone Chills**'s new story, _Rising Dawn_. Hope you guys like this one, and, as always, _please review_!

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

"Logie, come on, let's go explore."

Logan groaned, slumping in his chair. "Carlos, we _just ate_, I'm full."

"Walking aids the digestion process."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know that?"

"'Cause I'm a smarty-pants," Carlos smiled.

Logan laughed as Carlos grabbed his hand, pulling him up from his chair on the patio and out onto the grass, leading him through the rows of grapes. The vineyard belong to one of Mrs. Knight's old friend's, and they were spending spending a few days there to take advantage of the long school weekend. The vineyard was over a hundred square acres of rolling hills, shady trees, and billions of grapes. The day was perfect; the sun was out and the wind was sweeping through the grass, keeping everyone cool.

"Logan _come on_, you walk so _slow_." Carlos was already at the other end of the row of grapes, waving his hands in an impatient motion.

"I like to take my time, thank you very much."

"Well time is a wastin', so hurry up."

Carlos disappeared, running down the rows and leaving Logan behind.

"Okay Logan, seriously, please, you're missing the view. It's amazing over here!" Carlos called.

Logan sighed and set off in a jog, finding Carlos standing under a tree, waving Logan over.

"Look at how beautiful that is," said Carlos. They were at the top of a long hill, looking over the valley basin below. The whole valley was lined with rows and rows of grapes, tiny houses, and a few winding roads. The wind whipped up at them from below, causing both boys to squint, and Carlos started down the hill.

"Carlos, be careful," said Logan, a nervous twist in his stomach as Carlos bounded down the grass, a little too fast for comfort.

"I'm fine," said Carlos, sliding off his sandals and laying back against the grass. "Come sit with me, the grass is so soft."

Logan edged himself carefully down to Carlos and sat next to him, pulling off his shoes, stuffing his socks into them, and laying down. The back of Carlos's hand touched his and he twisted a few of their fingers together. The wind whipped up again and they both lay in silence.

Logan looked over at Carlos after a few minutes, his eyes closed yet still squinting slightly, smiling.

"What?" said Logan, tugging gently on his hand.

"Hmm?"

"What're you smiling about?"

Carlos shook his head. "Just listening."

"To?"

"God."

Logan felt his eyebrows raise in skepticism.

"Praying?"

"Nope, He's talking to me," said Carlos.

"Hmm."

"It's the wind."

"What about it?"

"God, He talks in the wind."

"Really?"

"I know you don't believe me, but I hear Him. I think He talks to everybody, most people just don't stop to listen. He's probably trying to talk to you, too."

"I thought He was talking to you," said Logan.

"He is."

"He can talk to two people at once?"

"Logan."

"Ah, right: He's God."

They both lay in silence, wind sweeping over the hills and through the grass, blowing over their faces.

Logan thought on this for a moment. "What's He saying?"

"I think He said... You should be quiet and try to listen to Him, too."

Logan closed his eyes and pulled one of his legs up, letting out a breath. The wind blew fiercely for a moment, sending the trees into a frenzy. Off in the distance, he could a lawnmower. A few hundred feet beside him, he could hear a golf cart rolling over gravel. And then, Mrs. Knight's voice.

"Logan, Carlos!"

"Coming!" Carlos shouted back. His hand broke from Logan's, and Logan blinked and rubbed his eyes. He sat up, grabbing his shoes, and began to lace them up. Carlos, who opted for sandals, was already half-way up the hill by the time Logan finished.

"Come on, slowpoke, you're bringing up the rear!" Carlos called over his shoulder, still walking.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," said Logan, pushing himself up and brushing stray pieces of dirt and grass off his clothes. The wind blew again and faintly, faintly he heard something. Like someone talking just out of ear shot, a ghost of a mumble; _here_? Or _hear_?

Logan looked back at Carlos who was now at the very top of the hill, hands on his hips, toe tapping expectantly.

"Did you say something?" asked Logan.

"You're bringing up the rear?"

"No, I mean after that."

"Uh... I don't think so."

Logan's eyebrows knit together and he frowned, looking back out over the hills. Just an echo, he thought. He started up the hill, Carlos's toe still tapping, and Carlos started towards the main house as Logan reached his side.

"Ready?" said Carlos. Logan looked once more over the valley below.

_Here_ or _hear_,that's what Logan heard, if he heard anything at all. But what's _here_ or _hear_ mean?

"You heard Him, huh?" Carlos said after a short while, nudging Logan with his elbow.

"What?"

"God," said Carlos. Carlos nodded his head back towards the tree, "you heard Him back on the hill."

"I didn't say that," said Logan, suddenly feeling defensive, heat flushing his neck.

"You did though, didn't you?"

Logan didn't respond, looking over his shoulder at the valley below.

"What did He say?"

"I think it was the echo of your voice. It didn't even sound like somone talking."

"Hmm," nodded Carlos.

Logan scratched his neck, kicking a rock out of his path.

"You know Logie, maybe you should stop trying to find reasons and excuses for everything and just try to embrace what you can't explain," said Carlos.

"Carlos, it was just an echo, okay?"

"Okay, I'm sorry, it was just an echo."

"Boys? Are you coming? Meredith wants to give us a tour!" Mrs. Knight was calling them again.

"We're coming, we're coming!" said Carlos. He tugged gently on Logan's arm, speeding up to a jog.

* * *

Logan lay in bed, staring up at the bunk above him. All four boys were staying in bunk-beds in an extra room, while Katie and Mrs. Knight were sleeping in the room next to theirs. Logan rubbed his eyes tiredly, the bunk next to him squeaking as James turned in his sleep. Beside him, Carlos was quietly snoring. He had forced his way into Logan's bed after two minutes in the top bunk, claiming that his own mattress "is like, ancient, and smells weird, and there's this giant broken spring that keeps poking me in the butt and Logan, it's _awkward_."

A wind blew through the open window, noisily hitting the colorful angel chime hanging in the frame. And there it was again — a word mumbled just out of ear shot; _here_? Or _hear_?

Logan turned his head to look at Carlos — asleep. He looked over at James and Kendall; they were both asleep, as well. He slowly rolled out of bed and peered out the window, staring up at the moon for a moment.

"Logan? What're you doing?"

Logan turned, seeing Carlos peering at him, his eyes squinting in sleep. Logan quickly shook his head.

"Nothing," said Logan. "Couldn't sleep."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine."

Logan slid back in bed, Carlos rolling over to face him. He kissed Logan once on the mouth.

"What was that for?" Logan asked.

"Nothing, just felt like you needed it."

Logan smiled, Carlos smiling back at him. They laid in silence for a moment.

"What're you thinking about?" Carlos asked. Logan took in a breath.

"What you said earlier, when we were walking back from the hill."

Carlos paused. "About finding excuses for stuff?"

"Yeah."

"What about it?"

"Just that I do that," said Logan. "I always have to have reason for why things happen, an explanation. You just believe things, you know? Like a little kid."

"Is that a bad thing?" asked Carlos.

"No, no, just an observation," said Logan. "Honestly, sometimes I wish I was like that, too."

"It's not hard," Carlos shrugged. Logan smiled to himself as Carlos continued. "You just have to _broaden your mind_."

Logan furrowed his brow. "You watched Harry Potter recently, didn't you?"

"Maybe."

They both laughed, and Carlos snuggled close to Logan, his head finding the familiar spot between Logan's neck and shoulder.

"Just try not to think so much—" Carlos paused, yawning loudly, "—and get some sleep, okay Logie?"

"Hmm." Logan stretched an arm over Carlos, running his hand through Carlos's hair, and sighed. As he closed his eyes, he could hear the voice from the hill echoing in his mind, faint and almost non-existent. Logan still didn't know what he'd heard, if he'd heard anything at all.

_"...maybe you should stop trying to find reasons and excuses for everything and just try to embrace what you can't explain."_

Confused, but somehow comforted by the unknown, Logan fell asleep.

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	12. Mint

**Author's Note:** Hello! I know, I know: It's been forever. My apologies, but I've been sick the past two weeks, so writing hasn't exactly been at the top of my To-Do List. But I'm back with a brand new chapter. Hope you all like it, and please, REVIEW!

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

"We've got to be at the studio at eight-thirty tomorrow, so—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Carlos, pulling back his bed sheets and waving a dismissive hand at Logan. "Get up early, I got it, I got it."

"So when I come and get you up, you actually have to _get out of bed,_ okay?"

"I resent the fact that you think I'm incapable of waking up by myself," said Carlos. Logan raised an eyebrow at Carlos, tilting his head to the side. Carlos shook his head, treading lightly on Logan's toes as he took step towards him. He pulled Logan close, his chin resting on Logan's shoulder. "But okay, I'll try not to fall back asleep."

Logan chuckled, pressing a kiss to Carlos's cheek. "Goodnight, Carlos."

Carlos pressed his nose into Logan's damp hair, inhaling the scent of his mint shampoo, and smiled. Carlos loved Logan's shampoo; it was cool and clean, and always reminded Carlos of something he could never quite place. "Goodnight."

Carlos turned out the lights as they climbed into bed, taking in a deep breath, the smell of mint never failing to relax him, and quickly fell asleep. Logan, however, couldn't seem to find rest.

"Carlos?"

Logan paused. "Carlos?" He paused again. "Carlos? You awake?"

Carlos rolled over and blinked rapidly, his eyes barely adjusted to the darkness. "Logan?"

"Yeah. Hey, can — can I sleep with you tonight?"

Carlos paused, rubbing his eyes and taking in a breath. Logan was propped up on his elbow, his face distorted by the darkness, but Carlos could see he was distraught, insecure, worried.

"Sure," said Carlos. "Come here."

Carlos pulled back his covers and Logan slipped beneath them, his chilly body thrown into relief by Carlos' constantly warm self.

"Something wrong?" Carlos asked. Logan shook his head.

"No, I just... I didn't want to sleep alone, that's all."

Carlos settled his shoulder against Logan's, nudging him gently with his arm. "Okay. Well, g'night."

"Night."

Logan sucked in a breath, letting it out slowly and laying for a moment in silence.

"What happens when you die?" Logan asked suddenly. "I mean, what do you think happens?"

"We go to Heaven," answered Carlos simply, yawning, "and spent Eternity in peace with God and the other angels."

"Everyone?"

"Mm-hmm."

"But I thought only Christians can go, the ones who believe in Jesus? That's always what they said in Sunday School."

Carlos shifted on the bed. "Well, I guess that is what most people believe, but I think that God loves us all too much to turn anyone away."

"What about murders and rapists and stuff like that? Do they get to go to Heaven?"

"Murders and rapists weren't born murders and rapists, Logan. We all have good inside us, somewhere."

"But, what about all the bad stuff people have done, the things they've said, people they've hurt?"

"Those are just sins; everyone sins. You sin, I sin, Mrs. Knight, Katie, Kendall, James... all of us."

"But how can you be in Heaven if you're a sinner? I thought God couldn't be around sin?"

"That's why He forgives us, so we can be with Him."

"Why? Why would he want to forgive everyone? People do bad stuff, Carlos. Really bad stuff. What if they weren't sorry for what they did?"

"Well, then they wouldn't really want to be in Heaven."

"What?"

Carlos adjusted himself, turning on his side towards Logan and sitting on his elbow. "Let me rephrase what I said earlier: I believe we all get the _opportunity_ to go to Heaven. Think of two doors: One is locked, one isn't. The door that's locked is the door the Heaven, the one that's unlocked leads you away from Heaven. To unlock Heaven, all you have to do is apologize for what you've done — that's it, just say you're sorry. After that, you're forgiven, and the door unlocks."

"That's it?"

"That's what I believe."

"So, anyone can get to Heaven?"

"I think so."

"But not everyone does."

Carlos shrugged, laying back down. "Probably not."

"But why would anyone not just say 'sorry' and go on in?"

"Saying 'sorry' isn't really apologizing, Logan, it's just a word. Apologizing means feeling remorse for what you've done."

Logan was silent.

"Why're you asking me this stuff, anyway?" asked Carlos, turning his head to look at Logan. Logan felt an irritating tickle at the back of his throat, a tightening in his chest.

"What if I can't get into Heaven?" he said, the tickle making it hard to talk. "What if... what if God decides that He doesn't want me, because I can't decide if I believe in Him or not? What if we die, and you get to go to Heaven, and I don't?"

Logan blinked fiercely, and he turned to look at Carlos.

"Logie," said Carlos. "Logie come on, you don't have to worry about that kind of stuff."

"Why not? You said God can do anything; what if He decides He doesn't want me and keeps the door locked?"

"You unlock the door, Logan. Apologizing is the key; God's just on the other side waiting for you. _You_ decide whether or not you really apologize for the things you done or not, _you_ decide if you unlock the door. Get it?"

"I _guess..._" said Logan.

"Well, you don't even have to worry about going to Heaven," said Carlos. He slipped his fingers through Logan's. "Your heart is devoted to bettering other people's lives and bringing them joy. Every chance you get, you're always helping someone out or doing something nice for somebody else. You're a _good person_, Logan."

Logan thought on this for a moment. "You think so?"

"Of course," smiled Carlos. He leaned forward, kissing Logan softly. "Quit worrying, okay? And you're so cold, get closer."

Their arms and legs found comfortable positions around each other, tangled together in the blanket. Carlos closed his eyes, burrowed his face in the pillow close to Logan's, and breathed in his shampoo. Suddenly, it came to him. He knew why the scent was familiar. It was clean and fresh and new.

It's how he imagined Heaven.

"So what do you think Heaven's like?" Logan asked, his breath hot on Carlos' face. Carlos smiled.

"Just like this."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	13. Blaze

**Author's Note:** Hello friends! This chapter popped into my head one day, so I wrote it down. Hopefully you all like it as much as I do. And, if anybody has any ideas/requests for chapters or topics they'd like to see covered in the future, _please_ drop me a PM! I'm always looking for new ideas; no promises they'll get written, but if they do, you'll get full credit for the prompt. And, as always, _**PLEASE REVIEW!**_

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

The fire was all-consuming. Up, down, left, right; wherever he looked, it was all he could wasn't sure where he was; the apartment? But it doesn't look the same. But there's a fire, so of course it wouldn't look the same. Where was—Oh God. They were everywhere. Mrs. Knight, James, Kendall, Carlos — they were all scattered around the floor, just laying there, the fire curling into their clothes and hair. He wanted to scream but he couldn't breath. He wanted to cry but the heat of the blaze seemed to evaporate all his tears. He ran towards James, the closest to him, but found himself blocked by Katie. She was on her hands and knees, and she was screaming. The fire was catching her clothes and hair and skin, and her screams cut through Logan like a knife. He had to help her. Try as he might, though, when he reached for her he found himself rooted to the spot, just feet away from her. She kept screaming and he tried to call out her name, but the smoke made him cough. The fire rose so high he couldn't see her anymore, and soon the flames were chest height. They licked his arms, his clothes, his face, smothering him. And in that moment, it hit him:

He was going to die.

Logan shot up in bed, his chest heaving and a cool sweat matting his hair to his forehead. A lump mingled in his throat and it took him a minute to get his bearings. He was in his room, in his bed, safe. He let out a shaky breath and rubbed his face, looking over to Carlos's bed. His breath caught in his throat.

Where was Carlos?

Logan pushed himself out of bed. He rushed out of the room, quickly moving from door to door in their hallway, peeking in each one, taking tally of all other members of the house. He checked the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, the slide, and for good measure, the closest by the front door. He couldn't find Carlos. His heart was beating faster and he checked the hallway outside, then moved back to the kitchen.

"Carlos? _Carlos,_" he called out, barely caring to whisper.

"Logan?"

Carlos emerged from the hallway, whole and okay and alive.

"Carlos!"

Logan pulled Carlos towards him, wrapping his arms tightly around Carlos's neck and burrowing his face in his shoulder. He took in shaky breaths, tears welling in his eyes. Carlos slid his arms around Logan's waist, his brow furrowed. "Logan? What happened? Are you okay?"

Logan couldn't speak, the lump in his throat swollen to softball sized. He tried to take in another breath and barely succeeded; a tear escaped down his face.

"Logan, you're shaking," said Carlos, his tone full of worry as he watched Logan move a trembling hand to wipe his mouth. "What's wrong?"

"I just—" Logan swallowed hard, untangling himself from Carlos and furiously wiping his eyes with trembling hands. His heart was hammering against his chest, so hard it was almost painful. Logan let out a quiet, frustrated cry and drove the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"Hey, calm down, let's go back to bed, okay?" Carlos took Logan's hand and placed his free hand on his shoulder, guiding him back towards their bedroom. He sat Logan onto his own bed and settled himself beside him. He stroked Logan's hand with his own.

"Logie, what happened?" Carlos asked gently. "Are you sick?"

Logan took a steadying breath, shaking his head and wiping his eyes again. He took in another breath, holding it for a moment before exhaling in attempt to calm himself.

"I had a nightmare. The apartment — I-I-I think it was the apartment — was on fire, and you all were dead. The fire was so big, and it was so hot, and I couldn't breath, and then... and then I found Katie, and she was on the ground, and she was screaming—" Logan's breath caught again and he closed his eyes, bringing a hand up to his face. His shoulders shook and he furiously swallowed the cries in his throat. His chest hurt, his entire body felt chilled and clammy, and nausea was hitting him in heavy waves

"Hey, hey, shh, it was just a dream," said Carlos, running his hand along Logan's back. He squeezed Logan's hand. "It was just a dream, Logie. We're all okay, see? I'm right here."

"Carlos, the fire—" Logan's throat caught again. "The fire, it was my fault."

"What?"

"The fire, I don't know what happened, but it was my fault. I don't know how I know, but I do. I did something, and it killed all of you." Logan wiped his eyes again, but tears just kept coming.

"That's not real, Logan," said Carlos. "We're all here, we're all okay, I promise."

"Katie, she just kept screaming, and I couldn't reach her—" Logan pulled his hand free from Carlos and covered his face, crying openly into his hands. Carlos wrapped his arms aroung Logan, pulling him towards his body and letting Logan's head rest against his shoulder, rubbing his back soothingly.

It took a good ten minutes before Logan could finally calm down. They were now streched out on Logan's bed, covers pulled up around their shoulders, and Logan was still sniffling as he traced the lines on Carlos's palm.

"I'm sorry you're so upset," said Carlos, eyes flickering up to Logan's. Logan shrugged, Carlos lacing his now-tingling hand with Logan's.

"Just a dream, right?" said Logan. Carlos squeezed his hand.

"Are you okay?" asked Carlos. Logan paused again, twitching his nose.

"Not really."

Carlos shifted his legs, his foot brushing against Logan's.

"Can I pray for you?"

Logan looked at Carlos, his eyes open and sincere, and thought for a moment. What could it hurt? Logan nodded. Carlos smiled gently and touched their foreheads together. He rested his free hand on the side of Logan's face and closed his eyes. After a moment, Logan closed his eyes. He loosened his shoulders and shifted just slightly under Carlos's hand, relaxing. Exhaustion from the adrenaline rush hit him in a heavy blow and he found his heart and breath slowing down. Minutes ticked by, every moment carrying Logan closer to sleep.

"Amen," Carlos whispered, bringing their clasped hands up and kissing Logan's fingers. He moved his hand to the back of Logan's neck and rubbed his thumb along the soft peach fuzz at the edge of Logan's hair line. From the back of his mind, words from an old Spanish song his father used to sing to him floated into consciousness. He sang them quietly, beneath his breath, the thumb he had on Logan's neck quickly finding the beat to the song. The music in his mind ended and Carlos yawned.

"I love it when you do that," Logan whispered.

Carlos smiled. "I know."

"What song was that?"

"I don't remember the name; Papí used to sing it to me before bed."

"I like it. Would you sing it more often?"

"Sure."

Logan shifted closer to Carlos. "Will you sleep here tonight?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	14. Inside

**Author's Note: **So, quick backstory on this chapter: The boys are Freshman. Carlos is fourteen, and Logan is just about to be fourteen. That's all you need to know. And yes, yes, I know... it's been a long, long time. My apologies! I really have no excuse except for lack of inspiration and motivation. Thanks to the people who sent in prompts after the last chapter; please, keep them coming! And, as always, **_PLEASE REVIEW!_**

**Disclaimer: **Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

Logan popped the last bit of a Butterfinger into his mouth, dusting the spare bits of chocolate off his lap and onto the kitchen rug, and began to rifle through the large pile in front of him. It was Halloween Night — November 1st, actually; the clock was quietly ticking it's way to three o'clock — and Carlos and Logan were searching their way through their combined candy pumpkins, which had been dumped between them. James and Kendall had passed out in the living room a half hour ago, leaving Carlos and Logan with the prime pickings.

"Hey Carlos?" said Logan, pulling out a bag of snack-size bag of M&Ms from under the pack.

"Hey Logan?" Carlos responded, taking a large bite of a lemonade Twizzler.

"When... Er, how did you know you were gay?"

"When," Carlos took another bite, "or how?"

"Uh, both, I guess."

Carlos shrugged, his face thoughtful, as he dug his hand into the tiny package of candy Logan was holding. He popped the M&Ms into his mouth. "Well, I think I always knew I was gay. I obviously didn't know what it really meant when I was little, but I knew I was different. Like when I started getting older and Gabe would talk about his girlfriends, or you guys would talk about girls you through were cute, I didn't really see the appeal in it. I thought girls were pretty, like my mom and girls at school, but it was different. It wasn't the way you or any of the other guys thought about them." Carlos put the last of the Twizzler into his mouth, wiped his hands on his jeans, and reached for a Hershey bar. "I guess I really figured it out when I was eleven; that's when I found out what gay meant. When I heard it explained, it just made sense to me, and I realized that that's who I was. That's when I first came out. I remember talking to my family about it after dinner one night, and it was like they already knew."

"Were you scared, when you told them?

"I mean, I think part of me was," said Carlos. "Just 'cause I knew they were raised thinking it was wrong. But I knew it was something I had to tell them. And afterwards they said they were surprised, but not totally shocked. Like I told you, I felt like they already kind of knew, maybe before I did."

Logan nodded, slurping a few M&Ms off his palm.

"But, like, how did you know _for sure_?" said Logan. "'Cause I feel like anybody could just say they're gay, or think they're gay. How did you know like _100%_ that you were?"

"It was feeling I had, I guess," said Carlos. "Like, I thought girls were pretty, but they were _just_ pretty, you know what I mean? I wasn't attracted to them at all, not like that. But when I looked at some guys, like guys I thought were really cute, it felt different. I _was_ attracted to them. It was a feeling in my gut. I can't really explain it any other way," said Carlos. He took a bite of chocolate then nudged Logan's knee with his knuckle. "Why're you asking me all of this, Logie?"

"Just curious."

Carlos raised an eyebrow, turning himself on the floor so he was facing Logan, their knees touching. "Logan?"

"What?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No."

"Logan, that's your lying face."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. Your eyes won't stop moving, and I can see your face is all flushed." Carlos nudged Logan's knee again. "Logan, is something wrong?"

Logan sighed heavily, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know."

"What's up?" said Carlos. "Is something happening at home?"

Logan shook his head.

"Are you sick?" asked Carlos. "Did someone die?"

Logan shook his head again.

"Then what is it? You're freaking me out here, dude," said Carlos.

Logan sighed again, running a shaky hand over the back of his neck.

"I think..." Logan closed his eyes, curling his hand into a fist.

_It's now or never,_ Logan thought to himself. He let out a quick breath. "I think — Carlos I think I might be gay."

He wiped his neck again, a cool sweat rubbing onto his fingers, and took a glance up at Carlos.

"Really?" said Carlos, after a beat or two.

Logan nodded, swallowing dryly. "T-That's why I was asking you all that stuff."

"When'd you start thinking that?" asked Carlos. Logan shrugged heavily again.

"I don't know, for a while now," said Logan. "Almost two years, I think."

"_Two_?" Carlos's eyes widened and he leaned back in surprise. "Wow."

Logan shrugged.

"Why'd you wait so long to tell somebody?" asked Carlos.

"After you told people you were gay, I started — I don't know, realizing I'd kinda been feeling that way too, I guess, and it freaked me out. I didn't understand what was going on in my head or in my heart. I was scared," Logan admitted.

"How're you going to tell your parents?" asked Carlos. Logan shook his head.

"I have no idea," he said, his eyes drifting to the hallway leading to his parent's bedroom. "They're probably gonna _flip out_ on me."

"Why? They're fine with me being gay," Carlos pointed out.

"Yeah, but that's you, you're not they're son. You're not their _only_ son," said Logan. "They want a daughter-in-law and grandkids and the whole shebang. They'll be disappointed."

"That's what I thought, too," said Carlos. "But your parents love you so much, Logan; they might be surprised at first but they'll get over the shock, like mine did." Carlos patted Logan's knee. "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

"But I don't want—" Logan let out a frustrated breath. "Carlos, I don't want to tell them. I don't think I want to be gay."

"Well, it's not something you can change, Logie," said Carlos. "If you're gay, you're gay."

"But I don't want to be," said Logan, the words coming out as a half-whine. "I don't want people to act different around me, I don't want my parents or Kendall or James or their parents to look at me different, I don't want people to talk about me or call me names the way they do to you."

"Logan, you can't let what other people say or do affect the way you think or act," said Carlos.

"You say that like it's easy but it's not. I'm not like you; I worry about what other people think, I go out of my way to change to make other people happy, what other people say about me actually bothers me, Carlos. I'm not very self-confident, if you haven't noticed."

"That stuff _does_ bother me," said Carlos. "You think I like guys pushing me around or making fun of me? I don't. But you can't let people like that stop you from being who you really are. We have to show people that being different is okay."

"I don't _want_ to be different," said Logan, a tickle in the back of his throat. He set his face in his hands, angrily fighting back tears. "I don't _want_ to show other people it's okay. I don't _want _to be gay!"

"I know it sucks, but you can't change it. This is the person that you're supposed to be, it's how God made you."

"I thought being gay was a sin? Why would God make a sin?"

"Some people think it is, but I don't. God makes everyone exactly the way they're supposed to be; gay, straight, black, white. We were all made different so we can learn to look past what's on the outside and love what's on the inside."

"How can other people love who I am on the inside if _I_ don't really love who I am on the inside?"

"Look, I know you're all confused about life and who you are and everything right now, but being gay doesn't really change _you_. Gay is just part of who you are. You're still a genius, and funny, and friendly, and good at hockey, and nice to _everyone_, and all the other stuff you've always been. You're still Logan."

Logna let out a breath, shaking his head and digging the heels of his hands into his eyes before looking up at Carlos.

"And if it's any consolation," Carlos said as Logan wiped his nose on his shirt sleeve, "I love you who you are on the inside."

Logan smiled, dropping his eyes to his lap to hide his sudden embarrassment. After a moment, he nudged Carlos's knee.

"Thanks, Carlos," he said. Carlos smiled.

"No problem, Logie."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? _Anyone?_ ...Bueller?


	15. Belong

**Author's Note:** I know, I know, another super-long gap between updates. "Spring Break," or as it should be called, "Study Everyday So I Can Get Good Grades" came around recently, so I used that time to give my GPA a boost. But anyways, here's a little chapter that'll help transition a new character, Gabe, into the story. I'm very excited, 'cause Gabe's going to welcome us into some real "meat and potatoes" chapters, as my betas like to call them. I'm still accepting suggestions, by the way, so keep sending them in. And to those who _have_ sent ideas in... I'll try and get to them as soon as possible. :) Hope you guys like it, and as always, **_PLEASE REVIEW!_** (Now accepting anonymous reviews!)

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

Logan hummed under his breath, searching the freezer for a moment before pulling out a quart of ice cream, grabbing a spoon off the clean dish rack, and leaning back against the counter.

"LOGAN!"

Logan jumped, his spoon flying out of his hand as his heart lept to his throat. He closed his eyes, taking in a breath.

"_Carlos_," he said. "Don't _do_ that."

"Sorry," Carlos said quickly, slapping his hands onto the counter and drumming out a fast beat. "But LOGAN! Guess what?"

"I don't know, what?" Logan stooped down, grabbing his spoon and wiping it off on his shirt.

"I just got off the phone with Gabe, and guess what?" Carlos's grin was ear-splitting and he was bouncing on his toes.

"I don't know," Logan repeated. "What?"

"Okay, I've got a date with Jo in ten minutes at that new vegan restaurant and there is _no way_ I'm going to be chowing down on some black bean tofu-burger salad _thing_ so I need some _food_."

Kendall shut the front door behind him, striding into the kitchen and peeking into the container in Logan's hand. His eyebrows raised and he smiled, muttering "Oh, chocolate_,_" under his breath as he grabbed a spoon from a drawer by the fridge.

"Kendall!" said Carlos. "I just got off the phone with Gabe and guess what?"

Kendall spooned a large amount of ice cream into his mouth, tapping his spoon against his chin thoughtfully as he swallowed. He nodded after a moment and pointed his spoon at Carlos. "Gabe works at Sea World so now we all get to go swim with Shamu?"

"No, it's better than that. I just got off the phone with Gabe, and he told me he's coming to town this Friday!" said Carlos, his eyes bright with enthusiasm. "Isn't that awesome? We haven't seen Gabe in forever!"

"He was just here last month for your birthday," said Logan.

"Well, yeah, but he's Gabe, it feels like years," said Carlos. He rounded the counter, looking over his shoulder at the barren apartment. "Where _is_ everybody? I want to share the good news."

"James is at the pool trying to get in some 'prime-tanning-slash-girl-scanning-time,' Mom's out running errands, and I'm _not_ really sure where Katie is," said Kendall. Carlos took a seat on the counter beside Kendall before taking his spoon and scooping himself a bite.

"Dudes, how are you guys not more excited about this? _Gabe_ is coming."

Kendall and Logan shared a quick glance, a slight grimace on their faces.

"I'm excited, it's just... it's really _loud_ whenver Gabe comes," said Kendall. Carlos shouldered him roughly, forcing Kendall to grab onto the faucet to steady himself. "What? It is! It's like your voices elevate three decibels when you're around each other."

"We get excited," said Carlos. "We live over a thousand miles away away from each other, it's not like we get to spend a lot of time together."

"How long is he staying?" asked Kendall.

"Just the weekend, I think," said Carlos. "He said he's staying with a friend; David SomethingSomething."

"He's in New York now, right?" Kendall asked, pulling the carton of ice cream closer as he scraped along the bottom of the container.

"No, he's back in Minnesota," said Carlos. "He got an apartment there back in November, remember? That's why he was at the lake house with us for Christmas."

"Oh, right," Kendall nodded. "Gabe moves around a lot, it's hard to keep track."

Kendall checked his watch, handing Carlos his spoon and using his arms to swing himself off the counter. "Time to pick up Jo; catch you guys later."

"Why'd he moved back again?" asked Logan, raising a hand to Kendall as he left.

"He figured out bartending in the city wasn't his calling. Not that we didn't try to tell him that before he moved, or right after he moved, or three months after he moved, or the whole time he was gone." Carlos rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"Where's he working now?"

"The Little Gym," said Carlos. "He says it's the best job he's ever had, and Gabe's had a lot of jobs."

"Well, of course," Logan said, shrugging. "Gabe's great with kids. Gabe _is_ a kid."

Carlos laughed, smiling knowingly. He shook his head after a moment. "I don't think he'll keep it, though."

"Why not? Running around all day is a perfect job for your brother." Logan pressed the cap on the ice cream, placing it back in the freezer as Carlos tossed their spoons into the sink.

"Yeah, I know, but..." Carlos shook his head again. "He's always talked about wanting to make a difference, you know? Like really make an impact. He'll stay where he is for a while, but I think he'll move on pretty soon."

Carlos tossed their dirty spoons into the sink.

"He'll be good, he just hasn't found where he belongs yet."

Logan raised his eyebrows. "And you have?"

"Yep." Carlos pushed himself off the counter and wrapped his arms around Logan's waist, resting his head right in the crook of Logan's neck. His lips brushed Logan's ear as he spoke. "Right here."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	16. Hermanos

**Author's Note:** I KNOW, I KNOW. Another super-long gap between chapters. My deepest apologies, dear readers, but school (my oldest foe) likes to get in the way of everything, as do all of my other social activities and personal commitments. Writing time has been sort of scarce lately, and I also spent maybe a bit more time than was actually needed to write this particular chapter since here is where I'm introducing my first-ever OC, Gabe Garcia. I really wanted to get him right, and I think I finally did. I'm stoked for you guys to meet him. Also, the next few chapters should (read: SHOULD) be posted pretty quick, as I already have most (read: MOST) of them written. So be happy about that. And **ONE LAST IMPORTANT NOTE!:** I've named Mrs. Knight Kim, and she will henceforth be referred to as such. Just so everyone knows and doesn't get confused when you read about some random woman named "Kim" talking to the guys. That's all; enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

"Hola, Big Time Rush!"

2J's front door burst open in a showy manner and a young man appeared in the frame, an easy smile on his face as he dropped a large green duffle beside him.

"GABE!"

Carlos flipped over the couch and threw himself across the expanse between them, colliding full force with his brother. He tackled him around the waist, his nose just reaching the top of Gabe's broad shoulders. Gabe stumbled back a foot or two, his foot catching against his bag, and Carlos finally let go.

"Guys!" Carlos shouted, turning to shout back at the apartment. "Guys! Gabe is here!"

"Yeah, we heard," said James, leaning over the second-floor landing. He flicked his chin up at Gabe. "Hey Gabe."

"Hey James," said Gabe, holding his hand up in greeting.

"Dude, when'd you get here? You should've called, we wanted to pick you up from the airport," said Carlos.

"My flight got in about an hour ago; I stopped to get something eat before coming over here—Hey, Katie!"

Gabe smiled as he pulled an unsuspecting Katie in for a tight hug as she emerged from the kitchen bathroom; she caught her breath after a moment and hugged him back.

"Jeez, you're huge now!" Gabe commented. "You've grown like four inches since Christmas."

"Five and a half, actually," said Katie, and Gabe ruffled her hair.

"Where're Logan and Kendall and Mrs. Knight?" asked Gabe, looking around the apartment.

"Kendall's with Jo, _again_," Katie informed, rolling her eyes as she took a seat on the counter, "and Mom took Logan to the dentist."

"Oh, the dentist." Gabe shivered. "Hate the dentist."

"You only hate the dentist because you've had like five cavities," said Carlos.

"Four and one chipped tooth," corrected Gabe. "And that chipped tooth was because of you, Mr. I'm Gonna Jump Off The Roof For No Good Reason."

"Hey! I didn't ask you to try and catch me! And I had a reason — I wanted to try out my new rappelling equipment."

"A wimpy piece of rope looped twice around the chimney doesn't qualify as _rappelling equipment_, Carlos."

"I was _eight_!"

"You know, most people would say thank you. I saved your sorry behind that day."

"The part of the roof I jumped off of is is like ten feet high, I wouldn't've died."

"No, but Mom y Papí would've killed you if you'd broken _another_ bone. So you're welcome, _perrito._"

"I'm not a puppy, _viejito._"

The front door opened and Gabe's head whipped over his shoulder. He smiled and sprung forward.

"Mrs. Knight!"

Mrs. Knight yelped as Gabe picked her up, swinging her around in a tight hug before setting her back on the ground.

"Well, Gabe, don't ever let anyone tell you you don't know how to sweep a woman off her feet," said Mrs. Knight.

"I'm just really excited to finally see you guys again; I've missed you," he said. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"We've missed you too, hon."

Kendall strode through the door as Gabe pulled Logan in for a quick hug.

"Oh, hey Gabe, didn't know you were here already," said Kendall. "How was the flight?"

"It was good, thanks," Gabe smiled and clapped Kendall on the shoulder. "So, now that the whole gang's here... What do you guys want to do?"

"Let's go the park!" said Carlos. "You could meet Lightning; yeah, like Lightning the _actual TV dog_."

"No, pool all the way," said James. "It's hot outside, and all the babes go to the pool when it's hot outside."

"What about the new planetarium? Me and Carlos've been meaning to go for a while now," Logan suggested.

"How about we just get some _food?_" said Katie. "I am _starving_. Mom, what's for dinner?"

"Baked ziti sound good to anyone?" Kim asked.

And simultaneously, five male voices all shouted, "YES!"

* * *

Logan picked at his pasta as he watched the brothers and marveled at the picture of contrasting similarities. Gabe was tall, strong, and had a big everything — his hands, his feet, his entire body looked like it belonged to a juiced-up ball player, or maybe Paul Bunyan. Carlos, on the other hand, was more on the average side of things; modest height, respectable build, and hands just big enough to slip into Logan's. While they both had continuously tan skin that never got any lighter, no matter how many winters they spent cooped up inside praying for Spring, Gabe had always been just a little bit darker. Carlos's eyes were deep brown, while Gabe had eyes that seemed to be be blue on the even days, green on the odds. Carlos had his father's short, straight, brown hair, while Gabe had light brown hair that had just a hint of curl to it, like his mom. Their mouths, smiles, and ears were identical, and they always had a certain sparkle in their eye.

Of the two, it was hard to say who was craziest. Gabe had his fair share of stories, but Carlos always managed to keep up with him. They were both perpetually happy creatures of spontaneity; loud, slightly spastic, and constantly — as Logan was reminded at that percise moment when Carlos smiled at him and snuck his hand under the table to brush against Logan's thigh for a moment, just because — affectionate. They could be black and white at times, yet somehow, they always seemed to mix together to make the perfect shade of grey. They were each others biggest fan and harshest critic. They were friends. They were enemies. And in this moment, they were brothers.

"No, no, you remember that one time when you were maybe six, and Papí told you to go clean your room—" Gabe paused for a moment, pressing his fist against his mouth and shutting his eyes as his shoulders shook with silent laughter. Carlos shook his head and smiled, his thumb smoothing over the fabric of Logan's jeans.

Gabe finally found his breath, and continued. "Papí told you to clean your room, so you put the water hose through the window and sprayed down your _whole bedroom._"

Gabe was struggling for breath, one hand on his chest while the other gripped the edge of the table in attempts to keep himself in his chair.

"Wait, what?" said Katie. "Why has nobody told me this story before?"

"I _totally_ remember hearing your dad screaming at you!" said James, pointing at Carlos.

"I didn't even realize Papí could yell that loud," said Carlos.

"Dude, you were in Time Out for like, three and a half _hours_, they were so mad."

"They _said_ they were mad at me," Carlos corrected. "Mom couldn't stop laughing."

"And then Papí started yelling at her!" Gabe smacked the table and the rest of its occupants wiped their eyes. "Funniest thing I have _ever_ seen."

"Aside from that time when you knocked Papí off the roof when he was putting up Christmas lights and he got stuck in that big bush, upside down?" Carlos asked.

Gabe narrowly avoided Logan's shin in his attempt to kick Carlos, and Carlos nearly knocked his chair over in attempts to avoid him. Gabe scraped the last bit of pasta off his plate and popped it into his mouth.

"Oh, Mrs. Knight, that was delicious," said Gabe, pushing his plate away and setting his hands on his stomach. "I haven't had your baked ziti in I don't even know how long. Thanks again for letting me stay for dinner, I appreciate it."

"Don't mention it, you know we love having you," Kim smiled.

Gabe checked his watch and groaned, stretching his arms above his head. "Well, I should probably head out soon."

"Head out? You just got here!" said Carlos.

"Yeah, but David's house is twenty minutes away, and if I don't leave now I'll probably pass out from full-ness. And I'm gonna be with you the whole weekend, don't worry."

"Why don't you just stay the night? Your bag's here and everything." Carlos turned to Kim. "Gabe can spend the night, right? Just tonight? He can sleep in my bed, too, I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

"I already have a place to stay, Carlos, don't bother her," said Gabe, his hand clipping his brother's arm.

"It's not a bother at all; if you want to stay, you're more than welcome," said Kim.

"Really?" Carlos looked between Kim and Gabe. "Really?"

"It's really no trouble?" Gabe asked.

Kim smiled. "Not at all."

Gabe shrugged, a smile reaching his lips. "Okay."

"_Yes!_" Carlos jumped out of his chair, grabbing Gabe by the shoulder of his jacket and pulling him towards the living room. "Dude, James and I just bought this new video game and you have to try it out — guys, who wants to play '_Galactic Invaders Seveteen'_ against me and Gabe?"

"I do!" James and Katie both shot out of their chairs, running to join Gabe and Carlos on the couches.

"Katie?" said Kim. She gestured towards the table. "Dishes?"

"Aw, _Mom_..." Katie whined.

"It's cool," said Kendall, pushing himself out of his chair. "I'll do 'em tonight."

"Thank you, sweetheart," said Kim, laying a hand on her son's cheek. Kendall smiled.

"No prob, Mom."

* * *

Logan shivered, his entire upper body seeming to contract in on itself, trying to stay warm. James furrowed his brow, looking over at Logan.

"What's your problem?" James asked.

"Your room is _freezing_," Logan replied.

"It's the same temperature as yours; they're seven feet away from each other."

Logan shook his head. "No, our room is _definitely_ warmer. You guys have the vent all the way open, don't you?"

James shrugged. "Probably. Honestly, I think the temperature's fine."

Logan shivered again. "You're really not cold at all?"

"Nope. But you see I, unlike you, have a fair amount of muscle on my body."

Logan weakly tossed a stray sock bundle at James, muttering under his breath as he shivered again and turned his back to James.

"Go get a jacket if you're so freezing," said James.

"That's what I'm _doing,_" said Logan, looking back over his shoulder. Logan shook his head and walked through the adjoining bathroom he and the rest of the boys shared, crossing into his room. Carlos and Gabe were kneeling beside Carlos's bed, their hands clasped and their eyes closed as they prayed together in Spanish. Logan had to smile at the sight of Gabe, who pratically dwarfed Carlos in size, hunched over the bed beside his younger brother. Carlos looked up as Logan walked in, and Gabe followed suit.

"Sorry," Logan half-whispered. "Just getting a sweatshirt, James and Kendall's room is an ice box."

Carlos shrugged. "It's cool. You want to pray with us?"

Logan moved to the closet, swallowing. "No, I don't want to interrupt you guys. Sorry."

"It's okay, we're almost done," said Gabe. Logan pulled on his sweatshirt as they finished, pushing themselves off the ground.

"'Night bro," said Gabe, one hand reaching around Carlos's head and pulling it closer for a moment, pressing a kiss to his hair. "Love you."

Carlos's hand brushed against his brother's arm. "Love you too."

"'Night Logan," said Gabe, raising his hand to Logan as he climbed into bed.

"Goodnight, Gabe."

Carlos somersaulted over his own bed, landing on his feet and stumbling into Logan, bracing himself against Logan's shoulders as he leaned forward on his tiptoes and gave him a kiss.

"_Ew,_" came Gabe's voice, a thorough tone of disgust in his words. "Carlos, I'm _right here_."

Carlos muttered something in Spanish beneath his breath before kissing Logan again.

"You need to work on your stage whispering, _hermano_; I heard that," said Gabe, rolling over in bed.

"Go to sleep, _viejito._"

"_Perrito._"

"I am not a _puppy_!" Carlos hissed, turning around to look at his brother, who smiled mockingly. Carlos turned back to Logan, rolling his eyes. He smiled in a slightly exasperating manner, giving Logan a "What are we going to do with him?" sort of look, and kissed him one last time.

"Goodnight, Logie."

Logan smiled. "Goodnight, Carlos."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	17. Insomnia

**Author's Note:** What's this, what's this? She's updating after only FIVE DAYS? Madness! Craziness! Pure blasphemy! Well, hopefully you guys aren't too thrown off by this quick update; it's another Gabe chapter, and I'm quite fond of it. I think you guys will feel the same. :) As always, **_PLEASE REVIEW!_**

**Disclaimer: **Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings: **See first chapter.

* * *

Logan stumbled out of bed, his eyes burning from lack of sleep, his body slumped with exhaustion. He rubbed his eyes and stumbled out into the hallway.

He stopped short at the sound of a sizzling griddle, a quiet humming, and the smell of... bacon? He rubbed his eyes again, blinking away any last bits of sleep, and made his way into the kitchen.

Gabe was positioned in front of the stove, spatula in hand, a pan full of bacon in front of him. He was humming to himself, head bopping back and forth in the light of the stove lamp. He looked over his shoulder as Logan entered the kitchen.

"Insomnia?" asked Gabe.

"Insomnia," Logan replied.

"Our oldest foe," said Gabe, shaking his head sadly. Logan scoffed, walking to the fridge and pulling out one of Carlos's bottles of chocolate milk.

"Eggs?" Gabe asked, looking to Logan has he cracked a couple eggs into the pan. Logan shook his head, shaking the bottle in his hand roughly and leaning back against the sink.

"Suit yourself," said Gabe. He swirled the eggs around the pan for a moment.

"How long've you been awake?" asked Logan.

"Oh, twenty hours, I think?"

"Oh," Logan shook his head. "No sleep at all, huh?"

"Just how life goes," Gabe shrugged. "What about you?"

"An hour or so; I try not to look at the clock." Logan popped the top off the chocolate milk and took a drink.

"Would you turn the toaster on for me?" asked Gabe, motioning to the large black contraption behind Logan. Logan nodded and pressed the button down. Soon, the smell of toasting English muffins hit the air.

"Do you guys have avocados?" Gabe asked, moving to the fridge and digging through the drawers.

"Yeah, here," Logan pulled a bowl off the counter, holding it out to Gabe, who spent a good two minutes deciding which avacado to choose.

"Yep, this is the one," Gabe nodded, putting the one in the left hand back into the bowl and keeping the one in his right. "Thanks, Logie."

Logan nodded, taking another drink of his chocolate milk.

"Knife?" asked Gabe. Logan pulled open the drawer beside him, grabbing a short knife and holding it out to Gabe. Gabe took it and cut into the avocado, smiling and holding the open ends to Logan.

"Perfect," said Gabe. "This is gonna be _good_."

"So how's The Little Gym?" asked Logan. Gabe smiled, going back to the stove to flip over the bacon.

"Amazing," said Gabe. "No joke the best job I've ever had."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm. I love the people I work with, and the kids are the greatest. There's this one little girl, Avery, she's there almost everyday and she's the sweetest kid you've ever met. She brings suckers everytime she comes!"

Logan laughed, taking another drink of milk.

"How about you?" asked Gabe. "Never took you for much of a city boy, Mitchell. You like it out here?"

Logan shrugged. "It takes some getting used to, but it's been fun. I never thought I'd get to do something like this."

"You still thinkin' about being a doctor?"

Logan tapped the back of his heel against the floor, looking at his feet and shrugging again. "I don't know. Sort of. But I couldn't just up and leave the guys and the band for something like that; if I leave there's no Big Time Rush."

"You know, Logan, Big Time Rush is probably going to end at some point," said Gabe. "I mean, I could be wrong, and you guys could tour to your graves, but... I wouldn't give up your first dream quite yet."

Logan nodded, crossing one foot over the other.

"How's Carlos doing?" asked Gabe. "He's good? This—" Gabe gestured around the apartment with his spatula, a bit of egg flying off, "—isn't too much for him?"

"It gets to all of us sometimes, but Carlos is like you; he likes crazy stuff like this. Carlos is an adventurer."

Gabe laughed, the English muffins popping out of the toaster. "That's for sure."

"And you and him are doing well, too?" asked Gabe.

Logan smiled. "Yeah, we're great."

"Good," said Gabe. He pointed his spatula at Logan's chest, another bit of egg hitting the air. "Now listen, don't go kicking _mi perrito_ around, got it? You may be my brother, but I will not hesitate to kick you back if I hear something went down between you two."

"Don't worry, I won't," Logan promised. Gabe smiled and reached forward, gently puncing Logan in the arm.

"Knew I liked you for a reason," said Gabe, winking at him. He moved the pan off the burner and crossed the counter to the toaster, pulling the muffins out and placing them on a plate. He smoothed avocado across the tops then moved the plate to the stove.

"He's crazy about you, Carlos is," said Gabe, looking up from the muffins for a moment, "I swear, the kid never shuts his trap about how great you are."

Logan looked down at his feet, a slightly embarrassed flush reaching his cheeks.

"Well, the feeling is definitely mutual," said Logan.

"You guys have any syrup?" asked Gabe, halving the bacon and laying it across the muffin.

"On the right," said Logan, pointing to the cabinets above Gabe's head. Gabe pulled the cabinet open, grabbing the syrup and pouring a generous amount over his bacon before replacing it.

Logan's face took on a look of disgust as Gabe slid his eggs over the bacon, placing the free half of the muffin on top, creating a sandwich.

"What?" asked Gabe, looking up at Logan.

"You're not really going to eat that," said Logan.

"Yeah I am," said Gabe.

"With avacado and bacon and eggs and _syrup_."

"...Yes," said Gabe, clearing not sensing a problem. "Dude, it's _good_. Me and Carlos eat this all the time at home. You should try it."

"_No_ thank you," said Logan, shaking his head fiercely.

Gabe shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said, then took a bite. He smiled, closing his eyes, and nodded contendedly.

"Delicious," he said, swallowing. Logan sipped at his milk while Gabe quickly finished the rest of his sandwich, dropping his plate, the spatula, and the pan in the sink when he was finished.

"Remind me to get those later," said Gabe, pointing the dishes. He yawned loudly, stretching his arms high above his head before letting them flop down to his sides. "Crazy as it seems, I actually think I'm tired. I should probably hit the hay while this feeling's still strong." Gabe patted his stomach, then nodded at Logan. "'Night, Logan."

"'Night," said Logan, nodding at him.

"Hey, _perrito,_" Gabe said quietly, patting Carlos's shoulder as they passed. Carlos grunted, making it halfway around the counter before turning and staring at the spot where Gabe had been standing a moment before.

"I'm not a _puppy_," Carlos quietly insisted, squinting in the kitchen light. Faintly, from the hallway, came a chuckle.

"What're you doing up?" Logan asked, gesturing to Carlos with his bottle of milk.

"Thirsty," said Carlos. He spotted Logan's bottle in Logan's hand. "Oh, chocolate milk. Good idea."

Logan handed the bottle off to Carlos, who took a long drink, touching Logan's hip in thanks.

"Ah," said Carlos, licking his lips. "That hits the spot. Mind if I finish it?"

Logan shook his head, watching as Carlos tilted his head back, the bottle completely vertical, desperate to get the last drops of milk out. Carlos turned his head slightly, peeking an eye at Logan, who was smiling at him. He righted himself, the tiniest of wrinkles forming between his eyebrows, a drop of milk clinging to the corner of his mouth.

"What?" asked Carlos. Logan shook his head.

"You're just really cute," he said. Carlos smiled, lightly tapping Logan's side.

"You're not too bad yourself, Logie," said Carlos. Logan laughed and took hold of the middle of Carlos's shirt, closing the small gap between them, and pressed their lips together. Carlos braced his hands on either side of the counter, nearly losing his balance, and dropped the empty bottle into the sink. The kiss tasted like chocolate milk with just the faintest trace of mint toothpaste.

When they broke apart, they were both smiling. Carlos adjusted his hands on the counter, scooting his feet an inch or two closer to Logan so their chests, hips, and shoulders were nearly brushing.

"I'm crazy about you," said Logan, tugging gently on Carlos's shirt. "You know that, right?"

"Oh, _amorcito,_ believe me," Logan's stomach flip-flopped over itself at Carlos's Spanish, and Carlos kissed him, their bodies now flush against each other. "The feeling is definitely mutual."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	18. Gelato

**Author's Note: **Hello! Yeah, I know, another long hiatus... I have no excuse, really. Just busy school and life. But I'm back with a brand new chapter, so none of that even matters. Hope you guys enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

"I can't believe you're already leaving," said Carlos, plopping down on the top of the couch, grabbing onto the edge to stablize himself as the cushion sank beneath him. "You just got here three days ago! Can't you stay the rest of the week?"

"Well, you see Carlitos—" Gabe tossed a duffel bag towards the front door, walking into the kitchen and opening the freezer "—I have a job," Gabe poked his head out from under the freezer door to look at Carlos, a dark blue pint of gelato tucked between his chin and collar bone. He straightened up, closing the door, taking the pint from his chin and stacking it on top of a second pint in his hand. "You know, like a _real_ job?" He moved towards the dishwasher, pulling two spoons out from the bottom rack and passing through the open archway seperating the living room from the kitchen. "Where I actually _work_, not just goof around all day?"

"I work," Carlos insisted, taking a pint and spoon that Gabe was holding out to him.

"Mm-hmm," Gabe mumbled, pushed gently against Carlos's chest, causing him to fall down onto the couch.

"Being in a band is hard!" said Carlos, his back hitting the bottom cushion, his head now hanging off the edge. He popped the lid off the pint, taking in the strong scent of pomegranate. "You have to learn songs, and practice harmonies, and—"

"Slow your roll, _perrito_, I know," said Gabe, chuckling as he jumped over the back of the couch, landing next to Carlos's arm. He scooped a bite of blue gelato into his mouth and spun his spoon in a circle through the air. "Learning how to spin around in circles and shout 'oh yeah' is really hard, I get it."

Carlos stuck his tongue out at Gabe. "I am not a puppy, _voejito_, and at least I'm not running around with little kids all day."

"You're with Kendall and Logan and James; I'm pretty sure that's the same thing."

Carlos elbowed his brother in the leg, scooping a bite of pink into his mouth. "I wrote that song, you know; 'Oh Yeah.' We all did."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm," Carlos nodded, a proud smile on his face. "Me and Kendall wrote the chorus, James and Logan wrote the verses, and then all four of us wrote the bridge with Gustavo. How cool is that? We wrote something and it _actually_ made it onto the album!"

"That's awesome, bro," Gabe smiled.

Carlos suddenly made a loud smacking noise, looking at the pint in his hand with a slightly confused look on his face. "Gabe, what am I eating?"

"Gelato," Gabe answered. "Frozen treat of the gods. It's Italian, and I honestly have no idea what it is."

"Hmm," said Carlos, nodding in approval. He stretched his spoon out to Gabe, who lowered the frozen container in his hand so Carlos could take a bite. "You sure David won't mind us eating it?"

"Are you kidding me? He's got like forty containers of it in the freezer; he won't even notice."

Carlos shook his head and rested the pint down on his stomach. "I miss getting to talk to you," he said. "In person, like we are now."

"Me too," Gabe agreed.

"I wish you could stay."

Gabe paused a moment. "What if I did?"

"I thought you said you had to go back home and work?"

"I mean, it'd be a month or so before I could actually leave Minnesota, but what if I moved?"

"Moved where?"

"Here, Carlos, jeez," said Gabe, rolling his eyes.

"Wait, move here? To California?"

"Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

"Like, for real?" Carlos lifted his head up, his entire face red from hanging upside down too long. Gabe set his spoon and gelato on the coffee table, taking Carlos's and placing them beside his.

"Right yourself, young one," said Gabe, hooking his arm behind Carlos's knees and pulling them forward so Carlos flipped off the couch, his feet hitting the ground, and landed on the coffee table in one smooth motion.

"You're going to move?" Carlos asked, his head rushing slightly from the sudden movement.

"It's a thought," said Gabe. "This weekend's been amazing; I get to hang with my family, see new places, meet new people, the weather's fantastic — dude, I had to wear three shirts last week just to take out the trash — I'm good buds with David, he's looking for a roommate, so... why not?"

"But what about your apartment back home? And The Little Gym?"

"I've been there almost nine months; it's great, but you know how I am," Gabe shrugged. "Can never stay in one place for too long."

"Papí always called you _El Viento_," Carlos joked.

"_El Viento_, exactly," Gabe laughed. "Look, I'm basically a temp at The Gym, I've got no girlfriend tying me down, and I'm living with two other guys right now who could make due without me there."

"Where would you work here?"

"David's dad owns a lumber yard, and they're hiring."

Carlos thought on this for a moment. "So... you're actually going to move out here?"

"Like I said, it'd probably been a month or so, just to get everything worked out, but yeah. I want to. I've talked to David about it and he's on board." Gabe kicked the side of Carlos's leg. "What do you think, _hermano_?" he asked, cocking his eyebrows upward for a moment. "Can L.A. can handle the combined awesomeness of two Garcia men?"

"I don't know; I mean, L.A.'s a lot bigger than Moose Lake, but..." Carlos sighed. "We are pretty awesome."

"This is true," said Gabe, nodding. "Guess we'll just have to wait and see, huh?"

Carlos cracked a smile. "Another great adventure for the Garcia Brothers?"

"Another great adventure, indeed."

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	19. Actions

**Author's Note:** Hey friends! So here's the dealio: We've reached the first three-shot of the series. I'm pretty excited about it. Fingers crossed you guys all like 'em. (Even though they're not, how you say, the happiest of chapters.) Anyways, part of this series was inspiried by the idea that "actions speak louder than words." That's where the title of the series ("Actions Speak Louder") comes from. I tried to keep in a running theme throughout the three chapters... hopefully it shows. Final notes: happy belated birthday to **CheekyBrunette**! I was going to update yesterday in honor of your special day but, well, that obviously didn't happen. Please accept this three-shot as my humblest of apologies. Also, to everyone, _**PLEASE REVIEW!**_

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings: **Minor character death.

* * *

"Carlos, Carlos sweetheart? Carlos, you need to wake up."

Logan blinked, awoken by the sound of Kim's voice.

"Mrs. Knight?"

Logan rolled over, watching as Carlos sat up, looking at Kim with a confused expression.

"Carlos," Kim began, "I just got off the phone with your mother—"

"My mom?" said Carlos. "Is she okay?"

"It's your father," she said carefully. Logan pushed himself up in bed. "He was out on patrol, responding to a call about a domestic disturbance, and some gunfire broke out. Your father was shot."

Logan's heart clenched, his breathing halted as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

"Is he okay? What did she say? Can I talk to her?"

"She's on the way to the hospital right now, and she told me everything they told her. Your mother's phone died before we could finish talking, but she said she'd call when she knows anything else, alright?"

Carlos nodded silently, shakily, and Kim laid a hand on his cheek.

"The doctors know what they're doing, Carlos; people have recovered from far worse than this," she said soothingly. "Do you want me to get you some water, something to eat?"

Carlos shook his head. "No, I'm not hungry."

"We could watch a movie, if you want. How about we play cards?"

Carlos shook his head again. "You can go back to bed, it's fine."

"You sure?"

Carlos nodded and Kim reached out, rubbing his cheek. "Okay, I'll be in my room. Come get me if you need me, alright? And I'll let you know first thing when your mom calls."

"Thanks," Carlos whispered. Kim leaned forward, hugging him tightly for a moment and planting a kiss on the top of his head.

"I'm sorry this is happening, sweetie. It'll all work out itself out, don't you worry," she said. "I love you."

"Love you too," Carlos mumbled.

Kim rose from the bed, looking for a moment at Logan, then left the room. Carlos stared off at the edge of his bed, silent. He put a hand to his forehead, pressing his fingers hard against it. Logan recognized this action; Carlos was stressed, his brain working a million miles a minute, thoughts all flooding into his consciousness at once.

"Carlos?" Logan said hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

Carlos stared for an extra moment before shaking his head. "Oh my God."

Logan kicked his covers off, crossing the small expanse between their bed and sitting himself beside Carlos. He set a hand on Carlos's back.

"Oh my God," Carlos repeated, running a hand through his hair. "My dad was _shot_."

"I know, I heard," said Logan. "It'll be okay, just like Mrs. Knight said; the doctor's know what they're doing."

Carlos swallowed dryly as the bathroom door opened. James and Kendall walked in, their tired eyes struggling to adjust to the lamp light.

"Mom just told us what happened," said Kendall. "You okay?"

"'M fine," Carlos mumbled. Kendall and James came and sat by him on the bed, the mattress tipping with the combined weight of all four boys.

"He'll be okay, Carlitos," said James, resting a hand on Carlos's knee and patting it reassuringly. Carlos wiped his eyes, a tiny hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

"Thanks, JJ," Carlos whispered. James gave his knee a quick squeeze.

"We'll wait up with you to hear what's going on," said Kendall.

"You don't have to," said Carlos. "It's late, you guys are tired."

"No, we're good," insisted Kendall. "We can make some dinosaur chicken nuggets and watch those funny spanish TV shows you translate for us—"

From the kitchen, the boys heard a faint buzzing noise; phone vibrations.

Carlos plowed over James to get out of bed, knocking his shoulder against the door frame as he stumbled out of the room. The three boys quickly followed after him, Kim emerging from her room.

"Hello?" said Carlos, pressing the phone to his ear, rubbing his shoulder and leaning his elbows against the kitchen counter. He paused, then began again in Spanish. The other four in the room waited with baited breath, unable to understand the conversation. A few minutes later, Carlos hung up.

"That was Gabe," said Carlos. "His flight just got in and he's on his way to the hospital right now. He said he'd call back when he's there and has some news."

Carlos pressed his fingers against his forehead again, gripping his phone tightly in his hand, and went back to his bedroom. Kim pulled out a dining chair, plopping into it and setting her fist against her temple, leaning her elbow against the table, an exhausted expression on her face. Kendall went and sat next to her while Logan moved to the bedroom and James stayed in his spot leaning against the wall, seemingly lost in thought.

"Carlos?" said Logan. Carlos was on his knees beside his bed, whispering fervently under his breath. His helmet was square on his head, the strap tightened up to his chin, something Logan hadn't seen Carlos do since his uncle died back in the seventh grade. Logan kneeled next to him, placing a hand on Carlos's back. "Carlos?"

"I need to pray, Logan," said Carlos. "I just... I need to pray."

Logan nodded, leaning forward to touch their heads together for a moment and squeezing his shoulders. As Logan climbed back into bed, Carlos continued his muttering.

For the next hour Carlos alternated between kneeling on the floor to pray and reading the Bible on his bed. The following hour he didn't even bother moving from the bed; when he wanted to pray, he simply folded his hands and closed his eyes, the wrinkle of concentration and worry on his forehead growing ever deeper with each passing moment.

Logan had given up trying to read after the first thirty minutes and tried sleeping. He rolled fruitlessly in bed, tired and frustrated, before resolving to simply lay still. Now he lay on his pillow, listening to Carlos mumbling to himself as he prayed and flipping pages as he read.

The phone, which Carlos had left on their bedside table, didn't even have time to ring. Carlos picked it up at the first vibration and suddenly, any inkling of fatigue left Logan's body in a flash. He turned over quickly, propping himself up on his elbow and listening as Carlos let out a string of rapid Spanish. His voice had evidently carried to the rest of the house, because James and Kendall were making their way back into the bedroom, closely followed by Kim and Katie.

"Okay," Carlos sighed after a few tense minutes of unintelligible conversation. "Yeah, I will. Okay. Okay. Tell Mom I love her. I love you, too. Bye."

Carlos let his phone drop into his lap, his shoulder sagging slightly as he spoke. "That was Gabe; he said Papí's been in surgery for almost an hour. He's doing a little bit better, but it's still pretty touch and go. They don't know what's going to happen yet. Gabe says he'll call again later."

There was a heavy silence in the room for a few moments, and Carlos pulled off his helmet, running his hands over his hair. Kendall plopped himself down on Carlos's bed, reaching out and touching Carlos's arm.

"He's gonna make it, buddy," said Kendall, smiling gently at Carlos. A corner of Carlos's mouth perked up for a moment.

"You think so?" said Carlos.

"'Course," said James, his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the door frame. "Your dad's _way_ too stubborn to die."

Carlos laughed, a loud, barking sound that temporarily alleviated the tension in the room.

"He is," Carlos chuckled. He sighed again, running his hands over his hair one last time before pressing his helmet back into place — this time, Logan noted, with the strap undone. Carlos yawned loudly, the action being echoed around the room.

"Come on, you guys, everyone in bed," said Kim, patting Katie's shoulders.

"We're not tired," said Katie, yawning loudly between words. "We want to wait up with Carlos."

"Carlos should try and get some sleep, too," said Kim. "We'll all feel better with a little rest."

"'Night, Carlitos," said Kendall, pushing himself off Carlos's bed.

"Come get us when you hear about your dad, okay?" said James.

"Yeah, of course," Carlos nodded. "Goodnight, you guys. Thanks for worrying about me."

Kim laughed. "It's what we do best, hon."

Logan climbed into Carlos's bed as the other four filed out of their room, one leg tucked beneath him and the other leg dangling off the side of the bed.

"Hey," Logan said quietly.

"Hey," he said.

"You okay?" Logan asked. Carlos sighed.

"Not really."

Logan rested his hand on Carlos's knee. "Hey, remember how back in the fifth grade, your dad's partner was shot, and he was okay? He went through surgery and came out good as new. Your dad's going to be okay, Carlos."

Carlos smiled weakly. "I hope so."

Logan leaned forward, pressing his lips to Carlos's for a moment, and began to rise from the bed. Carlos grabbed his wrist.

"Wait," said Carlos. "Don't. Stay here."

Logan smiled at him reassuringly, nodding and climbing over Carlos to slide beside him under the covers. Carlos adjusted himself on the bed, making room for Logan, his elbow hitting the edge of the nightstand as he did so. He took his Bible off the top and set it on his lap.

"I think I'm going to read a little bit more," Carlos informed Logan, looking down at him. Logan nodded, setting his hand on Carlos's thigh, fingers slipping between the wrinkles of his pajama pants.

"Don't worry, Carlos," Logan sighed, his voice slightly muffled. "Everything's going to be fine."

Carlos set his hand on Logan's arm. "Thanks, Logie."

* * *

The fourth and final phone call came at dawn.

Carlos snapped out of his stupor, hitting the back of his helmet against the wall with a loud 'thunk' in his surprise as his Bible sliding to the floor. He grabbed his phone, pulling off his helmet and answering.

"Mom?" he said. "What's going on? Is Papí okay? Is he still in surgery?"

Logan stirred in bed, pulled out of sleep by the sound of Carlos's helmet hitting the wall. He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. Carlos was pratically whispering as he spoke, his words a strung-together, stuttering mess. Logan felt his heart leap to his throat, his chest growing tighter with each passing second. He could barely make out Carlos' words, but the expression on his face showed nothing good.

"What? Mom..." Carlos crossed his legs, propping his elbows on his knees and resting his forehead in his palm. "There's nothing they can do?"

Carlos paused, listening, and covered his eyes. He mumbled something unintelligible into the phone before hanging up, dropping it into his lap. Logan set his hand on Carlos's knee, rubbing his arm.

"He lost too much blood," Carlos whispered. He shook his head, his voice was thick with tears. "He's dead."

Carlos brought both hands up to his face, his entire body shaking as he took in short, sharp breaths. Logan felt his heart in his throat and for a moment, he thought about going to get Kim; she's a mom, she'd know what to do. But he knew he couldn't leave Carlos, not now. Instead, he rested his free hand on Carlos's arm, leaning his cheek against Carlos's helmet, and let him cry.

There'd be time for words later.

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	20. Speak

**Author's Note:** So, I'm in a good mood tonight. In such a good mood, in fact, that I'm going to update again. I wasn't planning updating so soon, but hey, you only live once, right? Might as well be crazy. As always, _**PLEASE REVIEW!**_

**Disclaimer: **Any recognizable names and/or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings: **See first chapter.

* * *

An eerie silence had fallen over 2J, as if a blanket of cotton had been laid over everything, muffling any noise. The members of the apartment all seemed to ghost around the apartment, no one making eye contact, rarely speaking. Kim spent most of the morning on the phone, muttering about flight times and ticket prices and where they would all be staying. Katie never left herself stray too far from her brother, keeping a close distance between herself and Kendall, as if losing sight of him would mean he was gone for good. James sat in in the living room most of the morning, endlessly flipping through channels, never seeming to stop on one for more than a few minutes. Carlos had locked himself up in his bedroom, speaking only to ask to be left alone. Logan was left to wander aimlessly around the apartment.

"Logan, hon," Kim touched Logan's shoulder. Logan looked away from the action figure on the shelf in front of him. "Our flight's leaving in three hours. We're staying for the weekend, so be sure to pack enough, okay?"

"Okay, Mrs. Knight," he nodded. She patted his shoulder then walked away. Logan sighed, taking a glance over at his bedroom door before walking over to it. He knocked once, peeking his head inside. Carlos was sitting on the edge of his bed, chin on his fist, staring at the floor.

"C-Carlos?" said Logan. Carlos's eyes flicked over Logan for a moment. Logan cleared his throat. "We're going to leave soon, so we've got to get our stuff ready."

Carlos sighed heavily, pushing against his knees to stand up, and pulled a duffel bag out from beneath his bed. He brushed past Logan on his way to the closet, grabbing the first few shirts and pants he saw and tossing them onto his bed.

Packing was a silent affair; Carlos was quiet, somber, his expression a little vacant as he scoured their room for necessary items to shove into his bag. Logan couldn't help his eyes from glancing over at Carlos every few seconds, watching as he tried to stuff a too large amount of clothes into his too small duffel bag and zip it shut. Logan could see the frustration growing in his actions as he yanked tirelessly at the zipper, trying to force it to glide across the front of the bag. With a loud Spanish exclamation he yanked his hand from the zipper, bringing his hands up to his face and pressing his fingers hard against his forehead. Logan abandonded his own packing, crossing the room and setting his hand right between Carlos's shoulder blades.

"I can pack for you," Logan said quietly. Carlos shook his head.

"I got it," he said, his eyes screwed shut, fingers still against his forehead.

"I'm almost done, Carlos; I don't mind helping—"

"_I got it,_ Logan."

Logan dropped his hand. "Okay."

Logan moved back to his own bed, grabbing a jacket from the closet and folding it into his suitcase. He looked at Carlos again, who was dumping everything out of his duffel bag to start over.

"Everything fits better if you roll it," said Logan. Carlos turned around.

"What?"

"The clothes fit better if you roll them," said Logan, rounding his bed again. He picked up one of Carlos's shirt, folding and rolling it, then pressed into into the corner of the duffel. Carlos was silent, watching as Logan rolled another t-shirt and placed it in the bag.

"There's more room for everything that way, see?" said Logan.

"Oh," said Carlos, staring down at the neatly rolled shirts. "Thanks."

Logan gave him a small smile, touching his arm. Carlos didn't respond, picking up a pair of jeans and rolling them, sliding them into the corner of his bag with his other t-shirts. Logan frowned; Carlos was a person usually filled with life, bursting with emotion, a completely open book. It worried Logan to see him so subdued and closed off.

There was a quiet rap on the door, James's head poking inside. His eyes were slightly red, a little swollen. When he spoke, his voice was raspy. "Logan, your mom's on the phone."

"Thanks," said Logan. James nodded, taking a glance at Carlos before closing the door. Logan turned back to Carlos, who was still working, unfazed. He took a half-step towards Carlos, nose brushing his hair line. His lips grazed the small bit of exposed skin on the back of Carlos's neck. He felt goosebumps rise on Carlos's skin.

"I love you," Logan whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Carlos's paused in his actions, eyes shutting for a moment, before he started up again. Logan ran his hand along Carlos's arm as he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Carlos waited a good ninety seconds after Logan had left before he dropped to his knees, burying his face in the t-shirt he was holding, and cried.

* * *

After the funeral the following day, Logan found Carlos and Gabe sitting up in Carlos's bedroom room, seated on the floor on the far side of his bed, their backs leaning against the frame. Gabe's hand was up on Carlos's shoulder, gently squeezing it. Logan knocked thrice on the half-open door, poking his head inside.

Gabe turned his head, looking once at Logan before turning back to Carlos. He said something quietly to Carlos in Spanish, then kissed his temple. He looked beside him for a second, grabbing something from the ground; Carlos's helmet. He pressed it down onto Carlos's head, giving his brother a weak smile, and helped himself up.

"I'm sorry," Logan said as Gabe passed him. Gabe paused, looking as if he wanted to say something, but decided against it. He clapped Logan once on the shoulder, then made his way down the hall.

"Carlos?" said Logan. "Can I come in?"

Carlos shrugged, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Outside, snow beat fiercely on the window, the town having experienced a cold snap the previous weekend. Logan walked around the bed, taking a seat next to Carlos. Carlos was holding his father's badge, polished by his father's partner for the occasion, and running his thumb along the edge. Logan chewed on his lip, stealing sideways glances at Carlos every now and then, but otherwise sitting in silence.

"He always told me this would protect him," said Carlos. "That it was given to him by God to be his guardian angel and when he put it on, nothing could hurt him. He said that's what my helmet was for, too; to protect me. That's why I wear it."

Carlos let out a shaky breath, a tiny smile flashing across his face as he wiped his nose again. Logan took a breath, searching for something to say.

"Carlos," he said, and then felt a lump rising in his throat. What could he say? He swallowed harshly, feeling Carlos's eyes on him. "Everything happens for a reason, right? It's all part of a bigger plan? I mean, your dad kept us all safe, saved lives. Being a police officer is dangerous, but he helped so many people. Maybe this was just... God's way of letting him know his job was done. And your dad's in Heaven now, right?" Logan was rambling now, he knew it, but he didn't know what else to do. "And Heaven's supposed to be great, right? It's everyone's final Home, where we can all live together. You'll get to see him again, Carlos."

Logan looked sideways at Carlos, seeing tears spilling from his red-rimmed eyes.

"I don't give a crap about how great Heaven is," said Carlos, his words pained and biting. "I don't want to wait to die to see him again. I want to see my dad _now_." Logan's shoulders deflated, the lump returning to his throat. Carlos sniffed loudly, bringing his father's badge up to his forehead. "I didn't even get to say goodbye."

Logan stretched one arm over Carlos's shoulder, setting his free hand on Carlos's bicep. Carlos leaned into him and cried quietly into his jacket. Before they knew it, Kendall and James had joined them, Kendall on Carlos's other side, rubbing his arm, and James sitting on the floor in front of them, his head tipped forward to rest by Carlos's. Nobody spoke.

There'd be time for words later.

* * *

Reviews? Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?


	21. Louder

**Author's Note:** Here is it, the final chapter. Shout out to everyone who's ever read, reviewed, Favorited, or Alerted this story. Y'all are the greatest. I hope everyone's enjoyed the series, I know I have! So here it is: the Final Chapter. Hope I've made you all proud. :)

**Dislcaimer: **Any recognizable names and or places are the property of their respective owners.

**Warnings:** See first chapter.

* * *

The first week or so back was quiet. Everyone milled around the apartment, pausing to take a glance at the closed bedroom door everytime they passed, wondering if they should go in and try to find words to help Carlos. When Carlos came out, he always greeted with an tenative "hey," or a pat on the back. He would reply back with a shaky smile, or a sniff, and was never out for longer than it took to make a sandwich or fill a glass of water. Logan avoided their room unless absolutely necesssary, unable to stand the stifling sadness for long periods of time, at loss as to how to make things better.

"Emergency Band Meeting," Kendall said as he passed by the kitchen counter, gently tugging on Logan's collar, pulling him towards the living room. He moved towards the swirly slide, sticking his head up inside. "James, Emergency Band Meeting."

Kendall hopped over the back of the couch as James appeared in the living room, pushing his bangs from his face.

"Sit," said Kendall, nodding to the couch. He took a seat on the coffee table.

"Shouldn't we get—" Logan began.

"No, I just need to talk to you two," said Kendall. He sighed, clapping his hands down on his thighs. "Look, I called this meeting because I'm worried about Carlos. He's not himself anymore."

"Well, his dad died, Kendall," said James. "That's not something you just get over after a couple days. You know how close that whole family is."

"Yeah, yeah, but..." Kendall ran a hand through his hair. "It's been almost two weeks. He doesn't even come out of his room anymore, guys. This is way worse than when his uncle died a few years ago."

"Kendall, it's his _dad_," said Logan.

"I know, James!" Kendall snapped.

"Well what do you want _us_ to do?" asked James.

"I don't know, _anything_," said Kendall. "But we have to do something." Kendall ran his hands along his thighs. "This isn't Carlos, you guys."

The sound of a door opening echoed through the apartment and Carlos emerged. All three of the teens looked up, rising slightly from their positions on the couch. It was Kendall who broke the ice.

"Hey Carlitos," he said, trying for a casual tone, "I was thinking about ordering some pizza. You hungry?"

Carlos shook his head, pushing his hands into the pocket of his jacket.

"I'm gonna go take a walk," he said, his voice quiet, slightly raspy. His eyes were tired, his face slightly worn looking. "Around the park or something."

"I'll come with you," James offered.

"No, I want to be by myself."

"Are you sure?" said James. Carlos nodded.

"Take your phone," said Logan. A ghost of a smile crossed Carlos's face as his hand slid momentarily from his pocket, ready to reach for his helmet on the counter, then stopped short. He sighed, then dropped his hand. His once constant companion, his never-leave-house-without-it item, was left behind as Carlos walked out the door.

* * *

Logan sighed, that awkward feeling creeping into his throat as he shifted on his knees. He cleared it away with a quick cough, lacing his hands together, and closed his eyes. Carlos always said the words just came to him when he prayed; he didn't even think about what he was saying when he was talking with God. Logan sat silent, convinced that if it could happen to Carlos, it could happen to him.

But this felt wrong. There was nothing coming to him, other than the thought to get up and walk out. Why was he doing this again?

For Carlos, that's why.

Logan pressed his knuckles into his forehead, concentrating. Praying isn't hard, Carlos said. This couldn't be hard for Logan, then. AP physics wasn't even tough for him; no way praying was hard.

Then why did it feel like it?

Logan sighed again, opening his eyes once and then shutting them, and bowing his head. His prayer was quick and straight-forward; a plea for something, _anything _to help Carlos, be it one of his favorite movies coming on TV ("See, I was thinking about this movie earlier, and now it's just on! Isn't it cool when that stuff happens? It's like God's always paying attention, even to the small stuff."), some Divine Intervention, or even just a feeling of peace about the whole situation. Please. For Carlos.

"Amen," Logan finished, pushing himself up from the floor, his knees a little sore, and stretched his arms out in front of him. Moving towards the door, he stopped. Carlos was frozen in mid-step, his hand still on the doorknob. Carlos looked like he was going to cry; he must've gotten upset on his walk, come home, and wanted to come in here and be alone.

"I'll go," Logan muttered, but before he could take another step Carlos had crossed the distance, pulling him into a tight hug. Tears were on Logan's neck and shoulder before he knew what was happening. Logan felt the weight he'd been carrying around all week in his chest intensify, crushed by the pain he knew Carlos was feeling. Logan wrapped his arms around Carlos, trying to think of an appropriate response.

"Y-You—" Carlos had to take a breath to calm himself, hiccuping as he tried to do so. "Logie, you _prayed_ for me."

The weight in Logan's chest seemed to alleviate slightly. Carlos wasn't upset. Carlos was _happy._

"Oh, well..." Logan struggled for an excuse. "It's what you always do when you're upset, I figured I'd give it a try."

"But you said believing in God doesn't make sense?"

Logan shrugged his shoulders a little. "I can put that aside for a minute."

Carlos squeezed him even tighter.

"I love you," said Carlos.

"I love you too," said Logan. Carlos let go, wiping his face on his sleeve and laughing.

"What?" asked Logan.

"Nothing... just remembering something."

Logan tugged on the hem of his shirt, smiling. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing," Carlos shook his head, taking Logan's face in his hands for a moment and kissing his cheek. "Not important." Carlos wiped his eyes, toeing off his shoes and kicking them under his bed. He took Logan's hands and pulled him out of their bedroom. "Hey guys, you want to watch a movie?"

It didn't take long for all four boys to find a comfortable way to pile on top of each other on the couch. Kendall was the first to react after hearing Carlos's movie suggestion, and was placed at the bottom of the pack, almost directly in the middle of the sofa, slumped deep into the cushions with his feet propped up on the coffee table and one arm stretched over the top of the couch. Logan was seated next to Kendall, one leg pulled up beneath him and the other resting off the edge of the cushion. Carlos had his back pressed up against Logan's arm, his head on Logan's shoulder and his legs dangling over the edge of the arm rest. And James, the tallest of the group, was seated sideways on the couch with his legs over all of their laps. They all let out a sigh of contentment, comfortable in each other's presence.

"Uh, guys?" It was Kendall speaking, his voice slightly muffled. "Who's going to get the movie?"

There was silence before Carlos cut in. "It's okay. There'll be something on TV."

Carlos reached for the coffee table, his fingers grazing the remote. Kendall swept his heel along the table, pushing it closer towards his hand. Carlos grasped it and craned his neck, smiling at Kendall. Kendall nodded once, smiling back. He turned on the TV and after flipping a few channels, stopped, taking in a sharp breath that made the other three boys jump.

"This is my FAVORITE ONE!" Carlos exclaimed, looking sideways at Logan, a large grin on his face.

"Funny how God does that, huh?" Logan said quietly.

Carlos's hand found his, always soft and warm, and Logan knew they'd be okay.

* * *

**.the end.**


	22. A Rather Important Announcement

**So, here's the Dealio.**

I've decided to end this story. I know, _I know,_ I said I was going to keep it going; that's what I envisioned doing, at the beginning. Dozens and dozens (if not hundreds) or chapters of Cargan-y goodness, but alas, that is no longer the case. Believe me, this isn't an easy decision — I've been mulling over the idea for the better 2/3rds of the last month. I thought and I thought and I thought (and, if we're being really honest, prayed) a lot about this. I won't go into the long, droning details of what brought me to this decison, because they're incredibly long and drony. I'm sorry to all the people whom I told I was going to continue — It wasn't a lie when I said it, I promise.

I'm sorry to all the people who opened this chapter expecting a brand new update, and instead got this long explanation. (Many, many, many apologies to Miss **Zeoness**, who gave me a prompt for a chapter about seventeen years ago that I promised to write but never actually got to. I really am sorry! My next oneshot will be dedicated to you, I promise.) I know most of you are disappointed, but hey! There's always oneshots! And who knows? Maybe I'll start a new series.

Major, major thanks to my betas, **Gandalf3213**, whom without this story would just be some long-abandoned file gathering dust at the back of my computer. You guys are awesome. Thanks for all your honesty, support, and feedback. Couldn't've done it without you fools.

And lastly, thanks to every single person reading this. Over the span of 21 chapters and 28,264 word, this story's garnered 94 reviews, 6,600+ hits, 19 Favorites, and 33 Alerts. It blows my mind to think about how many of you actually _like _my writing. I wouldn't have a completed multipchapter (my first on this site, I might add!) without you guys! Thanks for always sticking with me, you guys really are the best.

Happy Tuesday to all! :)

-Riley


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